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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsTiny Rant.
Last edited Thu Jan 26, 2012, 12:52 AM - Edit history (1)
I have a "home office".
My mother lives across the street from me.
She comes over EVERY DAY.
Sometimes several times a day.
She never wants to "get in the way".
She thinks she's "no bother".
The *ucking dogs go apeshit when she charges through the door,
it's even louder if I lock the door and she starts pounding away at it.
This presents a huge problem when I am pretending that I am "on the road"
when I'm talking to my superiors or customers.
She comes over "just for coffee", because she just can't seem to
make "good coffee" herself (a VICTIM of early television advertising).
I have asked her COUNTLESS TIMES, "Mom, if I worked in an office,
would you barge in and start bombarding me with questions, or
WORSE, an accounting of YOUR DAY "...well, I made my bed, then I
did TWO loads of laundry, packed up the last of the christmas decorations....."
She won't stop coming over, and I can't find it in my heart to FORBID her.
She will sometimes just go upstairs, grab a cup of coffee, slurp it down
and then leave, and I really believe that the coffee jolt is part of her
addiction to barging in on me. (if I close my office door when she comes in, she will
wait outside with a hang-dog expression until I come out and acknowledge her.)
She never comes over after 5, when we're not working, because we refuse to stop what
we're doing and make a fuss over her. She used to come in and demand that we turn
the TV down or pause it to pay attention to her, but we've broken her of THAT. There
would be no problem if she would just blend in with the family, or if she had ANY
*UCKING CLUE about what the term "companionable silence" means.
I love my mother.
But.....
Thanks for the rant platform.
That is all.
MiddleFingerMom
(25,163 posts)Wait Wut
(8,492 posts)PassingFair
(22,434 posts)I have to turn off DU when she's here, because if I'm on DU, she can
see that I'm "not working" and should give her the full attention
she craves.
Duer 157099
(17,742 posts)I would. Because that seems like a really valid issue that she can't or shouldn't take personally.
Then ask her what her suggestions for a solution are.
LynneSin
(95,337 posts)Honestly, the problem sounds like boredom. My assumption from what you read is that your mother is retired. Does she have any activities she does during the week (other than bother you). Maybe there is a local senior center she can visit where she can find activities and new friends that she can hang out with.
It's a thought.
MiddleFingerMom
(25,163 posts).
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Who's there with you?
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PassingFair
(22,434 posts)I usually just laugh it off, but today I just needed to rant.
My husband worked out of the house until this February,
and she used to barge in on HIM every day, as I am in and out.
She is very involved with her church, and works in the resale
shop there 2 days a week. She has knitting club and her genealogy group.
We go out to dinner or have her over at least twice a week.
I've told her that the best time to come over is right after five, when I wind down and
I can give her the full attention that she demands, because during the
work day, I'm trying to produce contracts and contact clients.
I have 4 siblings, but when my father died, she moved in across
the street from me, because, get this, my siblings drive HER nuts!
UnrepentantLiberal
(11,700 posts)Tom_Foolery
(4,691 posts)Give her a pass this time.
PassingFair
(22,434 posts)Better keep a LOT of cream handy.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)Joe Shlabotnik
(5,604 posts)I definitely hear you with the barking dog issue when you're on the phone.
Because my dad retired around the same time that I went into business, and he loaned me a fair chunk of money, he was always included in the daily operations, and a part of the team. The problem was that he was a not a team player, and he never realized that while his opinion was appreciated, he could come and go as he wanted, or pick and choose what/when he wanted to be involved with, but at the end of the day it was me that was left with the hard decisions, headaches and fall-out. I 'fired' him about 3 times, and yet he would always show up the next day like nothing happened.
When we needed 2 'new' good trucks, he took it upon himself to go out and buy 3 brand new trucks without consulting me, thereby putting me in the position of needing the trucks, but forced to pay 4x more than we could afford. Parents around your business can be a dangerous, costly and volatile mix. It didn't end well for me. Wish you the best of luck in trying to reason, and work it out with with your mom.
blueamy66
(6,795 posts)I wish she could still come over every day to make my dogs crazy. I wish she could see her grandkids and great grandkids.....Count your blessings......
warrior1
(12,325 posts)it's been over 20 years. I miss her.
blueamy66
(6,795 posts)I wish she could have met my fiance.
AnneD
(15,774 posts)Sounds like she is bored and lonely. Help her find interests or start giving her tasks to help you if she keeps coming over. She may tire of coming over. As some of the other posters commented, be careful what you wish for. My Mom drives me crazy at times but at 57, I am grateful to have her around. She has always offered good advice WHEN I ASKED FOR IT, and helped me unravel my thorniest problems. I count my blessings and hope I am setting a good example for my daughter. I am even kind to my ex MIL (and her mentally challenged daughter) even though I detest the son, because she is my daughter's grandmother (and Aunt).
PassingFair
(22,434 posts)She creates problems, she doesn't solve them. She is judgmental
towards my children and she has no sense of humor.
I love her anyway.
She just gets on my last nerve sometimes.
AnneD
(15,774 posts)then all you can be is a good example to your kids.
When I worked in the Nursing home, I use to wonder why some of these folks were....abandon. But then as I have gotten older, I realize some people have karma coming their way. If you are not a nice person to be around when they are young, don't expect them to be around when you are old.
Kudos to you
hunter
(38,317 posts)... and the police call you up after they're arrested for shoplifting condoms.
ScreamingMeemie
(68,918 posts)I know this woman and the visual you have just given me has me
PassingFair
(22,434 posts)Perhaps not a 17 year old....
She's no Demi Moore!
AnneD
(15,774 posts)as long as she has one foot in the grave and the other on a bananna peel.
After a certain age all men are looking for is a Nurse and a purse. I caution all the baby nurses to watch out, I have seen my share.
So get her a pair of scrubs and let her out at the senior center. She'll have a date before you make the block
NYC_SKP
(68,644 posts)And a 250 foot driveway where you can't see the house and cars from the street.
Seriously, my stepfather would come over every fucking day like I was the local fucking bar or barber shop and it had to stop.
Also, friends from the past, salesmen, fuck that shit.
Ikonoklast
(23,973 posts)PassingFair
(22,434 posts)Sometimes if there is no coffee, she will just turn around and leave.
Usually, I make another pot, though.
I think I remind her of my Dad, whom I resemble, both in looks and temperament.
AnneD
(15,774 posts)good idea.