On missing my dad...thinking about him...and being one.

Days like today - the great Hallmark holidays when we contemplate our fathers, mothers, grandparents - you name it - are complicated. All of the possibilities - good people who had difficult parents, good parents who have difficult children....just so complicated, often emotional. Nature or nurture - or both?

Birth order can have an impact as well. My dad only worked one job when I was small, and my memories of him are pretty damn wonderful, for the most part. He was the prototypical "fun guy" dad (as my wife describes it - she wasn't so lucky with hers, but that's not my story to tell). My brother, 6 years younger, came along when my dad was working two or more jobs to keep us floating - so no days walking through parks and gardens for him, and it is a shame. When my dad passed in 2007, my brother and I shared very different impressions - and sometimes those impressions last forever.

So on Fathers Day I can have warm, pleasant thoughts of my dad. He was pulled out of school before he finished the 6th grade (very large, poor family - he had to go find a job). He pulled his own dad out of bars (his dad was an alcoholic, mine rarely touched a drop). I am not sure how he and my mom stayed together - so many arguments....and she often belittled him. He did the best he could, from my point of view. They both had issues of course (don't we all). He smoked, she hated it. He never made enough money, she opted to be a stay at home mom. Her mother meddled, he hated that....and on and on. But - they lasted 54 years. Later in life they learned to love each other better by accepting more of each other. My wife and I learned the value of compromise and humor in a marriage from them.

So I love to think of my dad when I am out gardening - it is his fault I love gardening, and he shared my love of growing heirloom tomatoes. When he passed, too young at 79, in 2007, it was sudden - a stroke, and it was good he went fast after that - he would not have liked living with half of his body broken. My mom, of course, still has yet to get over it.

And I find myself a father - of two great girls. They threw, and continue to do so, a lot at my wife and I, and we handle it - it makes us all tougher. I tend to model myself after my dad in being "fun parent" - not fair to my wife, I know, who is "mean mom". I try, but we often default to our base personalities. I never really thought about being a father - it all just kind of happened - and how the girls are 28 and 32. We are still close - they love - and, even better, like - their dad. And I both love and like them. Who knows what adventures lay ahead for them, but whatever it is, it is their ball game.

So - I feel really fortunate to end up being high on the plus side of both having, and being, a dad. I know many others, can't say that about one or both of those roles - and all of you are in my thoughts as well today. It isn't easy - being a kid, or a parent. There is no instruction guide, no book. I am not sure we all do the best we can, but we do what we do.

So.....out to water my parched garden, awaiting my daughter so the three of us can go to dinner. My other girl is in Seattle - I look forward to a call with her later.

Here's wishing you all - kids, dads - the most peace and happiness possible today, no matter what your experiences.