It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Never let your schooling interfere with your education
The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist
It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter
Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
We have the best government that money can buy.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
If you think knowledge is dangerous, try ignorance
Virtue has never been as respectable as money
There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity's mind and were willing to reveal it.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
The more I get to know about lawyers, the more I'm in favor of hangin'.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
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