Disney World to allow shooting of costumed stereotypical characters who ‘get too close’

Disney World in Orlando, Florida has become the first theme park in the world where staff dressed as adorable, stereotypical characters can be shot on sight if they ‘step too close’ or appear to be on the verge of causing emotional trauma in visiting adults and children.

‘I wish I’d known about this earlier,’ complained Wayne Lewinsky whose son has had bad dreams ever since meeting Donald Duck at the park, ‘Jeez If I’d known what I was putting him through and the nightmares he’d suffer I would have brought out my trusty ol’ Smith and Wesson and popped a cap in that sailor-suited feathery Duck’s ass. I stopped myself only because I thought if I did it would be the death penalty, but now I find out it would have been, like, totally legal. D’uh.’

The much maligned Disneyland queuing systems could also improve as citizens come to terms with their new-found powers. ‘If my daughter wants to ride on the Goofy log flume and there’s two hundred people ahead of us she’s obviously going to get upset, and that ain’t good enough for my little princess,’ said Buck from Wisconsin, ‘but all I’d have to do to stop any lasting emotional downside would be to unlatch my M4 assault rifle that I always carry on my thigh and mow them all down to hell. Uh-huh. That’s right. Check the statute, buddy.’

But with everyone else in the queue thinking the same and packing similar weaponry concerns have been raised that daily queue fights might themselves become one of the most popular attractions on the site, with foreign tourists cheering them on.

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2013/07/17/disneyland-to-allow-shooting-of-costumed-stereotypical-characters-who-get-too-close/