Once you get past the emotional aspect, it feels good

he's a sadistic bastard. Learn to cut off all contact. If he calls, don't answer. If he emails, mark it as junk and delete. Block him from FB. Don't go to anyplace where he hangs. Find new hangouts.

and do not respond/communicate with him in any way, shape, or form!

Unfriend him and block him on FB. Don't call him, text him or go near his house.

He cannot hurt you if you don't let him. Cut him off, tune him out and move on with your life. Make new friends, cultivate new interests, and who knows whom you might meet. Pay attention to what is going on around town (particularly free events ) and keep yourself busy so that you don't have time to dwell on the past so that you will be open to the future.

And if there's anything more pathetic than someone needing/taking "pointers" on how to be hurtful, I'm not sure what it is.

Document everything. Sounds like a threat to me.

Arizona is a one-party consent state...you don't have to tell him you're recording his calls to you or face-to-face conversations. You'll be amazed how fast that pair of assholes go away once they realize they may be digging themselves a hole they don't want to reside in. He's not your SO anymore...it's not your job to worry about how much his actions towards you hurt him.

Making threatening phone calls like that is a crime...let him say it and tell him you'll go where you please. If he responds with an explicit credible threat of violence, take the tape to Tucson PD. Frankly he sounds like a bully, they're never used to or expect anybody to stand up to them. When you get there, contact Emerge (a Tucson highly-respected resource center for domestic abuse.) and inform them that your ex called you and made threats when he learned you're moving back to Tucson and you want to know what resources are available to you if he tries to act on those threats.

Go to the deli if you like the deli. People who feel the need to act out in this way are typically full of sound and fury signifying nothing; bluster and hot air. Even if he were not, he's not going to act out against you in a public place without getting arrested. More so on the bus...you can't threaten or act out on a bus against the driver or other passengers...it's a serious felony. (I don't know about AZ but it's a maximum of 30 years in MD and 25 years in NY.)

Document everything. And don't respond.

They are still engaging in this crazy-making behavior by trying to provoke you, and they keep poking at you to get you to lose your emotional control so they can use it against you. Now they're stepping it up by stalking your Facebook page and picking up the phone to harass you. Don't take the bait. Chan790 is absolutely correct about documenting this phone call with the domestic abuse agency. That will start a documentation/paperwork process for you because they sound unscrupulous enough to keep escalating the harassment until they get a reaction from you.

Sorry you have to go through all this, but you are really handling it very well. You seem positive and very good-natured throughout all you've endured, even with your family. You've done the right thing by paying them back what they spent out-of-pocket to help you. At least you know now that the lines of communication are open with them, even though the price is too high for their help in terms of the albatross of guilt and obligation they want to hang around your neck. You'll be able to leave there feeling good about yourself and with good karma that you paid back your obligation and in very good time.

Plus, Tuscon is your home no matter what . You may not have the same residence/address, but Tuscon is your home. Take care!

why are you still letting him have access to your FB page?

Defriend him and make your page private, if it isn't already.

Better yet, block him completely. That way if he searches for you on FB, it's as if you don't even have an account.


And...like the others said...do not communicate with him in any way.

If you see him anywhere, ignore him. Or, if you must be civil, say a polite "Hi" and then walk away.

No phone calls. No emails. Nothing.

If you ever hope to get over him, you need to totally let go.

He is computer illiterate so I think he had someone else look up the info.

I just don't know who helped him.

Your FB page is public, then it had to be someone on your Friends List who, BTW, may have mentioned it quite innocently in his presence

Too late now, but in the future I would guard against posting some personal information on FB

On the same busses?

He doesn't fucking own you.

Tell him if you see him coming for you - cover his privates because you have a monkey wrench that would fit perfectly over them plus a twist

Eat as much as you can at the 5th street Deli. It's your haunts too! Visit whomever you feel like, just not him.

I find people have weirdness to them when you return. When I went back to see my home to sign it away, many of our mutual friends came out to say they missed me, and really would have preferred for me to be the one that stays.

The very weird part was her friends, who were constantly visiting the home, were taking my side despite me begging them to stay friends with her, reminding them most likely I would never go back again. But still they had their convictions.

Maybe you will get a positive reception and feel good about it.