The DU Lounge

Recursion

(56,582 posts) Mon Sep 16, 2013, 06:50 AM Sep 2013

Seated or standing?

My wife and I were laughing at this article

http://gawker.com/5839808/how-to-poop-at-work

and saw a comment about wiping position. Apparently the world is divided into sitters and standers in terms of wiping, and each is largely ignorant of the other's existence (you think you know someone when you marry them...)

2 votes, 1 pass \| Time left: Unlimited
	Sitting
	2 (100%)
	Standing (which is obviously the correct way, people)
	0 (0%)
	1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

29 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Seated or standing? (Original Post) Recursion Sep 2013 OP

I'm not going to vote, because I don't want to earn the scorn and hatred of petronius Sep 2013 #1

Cartwheeling. MiddleFingerMom Sep 2013 #2

Exactly! I'm glad someone knows how to do it correctly petronius Sep 2013 #3

Bingo. Centrifugal force. Make it work for you. Gidney N Cloyd Sep 2013 #17

I'm supposed to wipe? n/t tazkcmo Sep 2013 #24

. Squinch Sep 2013 #25

I have a bidet. Chan790 Sep 2013 #4

I don't understand the logistics of sitting. You put your hand *in* the bowl? Recursion Sep 2013 #5

You wash your hands afterwards. Chan790 Sep 2013 #6

I think people lean over far enough so the hand isn't in the bowl. Kaleva Sep 2013 #12

I can't touch my toes, or even my lower shins Recursion Sep 2013 #13

You need... pipi_k Sep 2013 #14

NOOOOOO!!!! I've been developing that same idea for years. I was going to call it the Taint Brush! Recursion Sep 2013 #16

Uh, oh... pipi_k Sep 2013 #22

My legs would be a problem if I tried to squat. Kaleva Sep 2013 #15

Precisely OriginalGeek Sep 2013 #20

What the... pipi_k Sep 2013 #7

I think the term "standing" is a little confusing Duer 157099 Sep 2013 #8

Well at least high enough to keep your hand out of the bowl Recursion Sep 2013 #9

But it's a unique sort of standing Duer 157099 Sep 2013 #10

This poll makes DUers who don't wipe, like MFM & others, feel left out. Kaleva Sep 2013 #11

I sit (nt) bigwillq Sep 2013 #18

Just WTF walkerbait41 Sep 2013 #19

This is important shit. Kaleva Sep 2013 #28

I learned a neat trick from my Dog. BlueJazz Sep 2013 #21

You should do a poll on looking at the paper after or not looking after. rug Sep 2013 #23

I sit when I wipe myself, but I often stand when I wipe other people. nt ZombieHorde Sep 2013 #26

Either way OxQQme Sep 2013 #27

The people have spoken. KamaAina Sep 2013 #29

petronius

(26,602 posts)

1. I'm not going to vote, because I don't want to earn the scorn and hatred of

Reply to Recursion (Original post)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:00 AM

Sep 2013

half of DU, but I'm gobsmacked that people might even think of using the other - obviously wrong and disgusting - method.

MiddleFingerMom

(25,163 posts)

2. Cartwheeling.

Reply to petronius (Reply #1)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:05 AM

Sep 2013

petronius

(26,602 posts)

3. Exactly! I'm glad someone knows how to do it correctly

Reply to MiddleFingerMom (Reply #2)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:09 AM

Sep 2013

Slightly off topic, but it has always surprised me that no one ever mentions how 'twerking' is merely a stylized representation of proper bathroom technique...

Gidney N Cloyd

(19,843 posts)

17. Bingo. Centrifugal force. Make it work for you.

Reply to MiddleFingerMom (Reply #2)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 01:02 PM

Sep 2013

tazkcmo

(7,300 posts)

24. I'm supposed to wipe? n/t

Reply to petronius (Reply #1)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 06:55 PM

Sep 2013

Squinch

(50,958 posts)

25. .

Reply to tazkcmo (Reply #24)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 07:46 PM

Sep 2013

Chan790

(20,176 posts)

4. I have a bidet.

Reply to Recursion (Original post)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:20 AM

Sep 2013

So...neither. I have to stand up to towel off my bum though. Sometimes I just jump straight into the shower instead.

On further thought, I cannot imagine the logistics of wiping one's bum standing up...they must ruin a lot of underwear, there's no possibility to get your ass clean that way, you filthy anal-clinchers.

Recursion

(56,582 posts)

5. I don't understand the logistics of sitting. You put your hand *in* the bowl?

Reply to Chan790 (Reply #4)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:21 AM

Sep 2013

What the hell is the matter with people? That is a 100% No-Go Zone.

Chan790

(20,176 posts)

6. You wash your hands afterwards.

Reply to Recursion (Reply #5)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:23 AM

Sep 2013

Your hands are getting just as dirty wiping standing up.

Kaleva

(36,317 posts)

12. I think people lean over far enough so the hand isn't in the bowl.

Reply to Recursion (Reply #5)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:51 PM

Sep 2013

Recursion

(56,582 posts)

13. I can't touch my toes, or even my lower shins

Reply to Kaleva (Reply #12)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:52 PM

Sep 2013

I'm probably the least flexible person on earth.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)

14. You need...

Reply to Recursion (Reply #13)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:55 PM

Sep 2013

http://www.amazon.com/Living-XL-Bottom-Buddy/dp/B000G39ZIY

Recursion

(56,582 posts)

16. NOOOOOO!!!! I've been developing that same idea for years. I was going to call it the Taint Brush!

Reply to pipi_k (Reply #14)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:58 PM

Sep 2013

Gah!

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)

22. Uh, oh...

Reply to Recursion (Reply #16)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 05:57 PM

Sep 2013

Someone has beat you to it...

Combination wok brush/taint brush with companion turd knives...

Kaleva

(36,317 posts)

15. My legs would be a problem if I tried to squat.

Reply to Recursion (Reply #13)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:56 PM

Sep 2013

OriginalGeek

(12,132 posts)

20. Precisely

Reply to Kaleva (Reply #12)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 04:46 PM

Sep 2013

I also have a poop stool.

I read somewhere (They can't put it on the internet if it isn't true!) that our bodies built to eliminate from a squatted position so your feet should be roughly as high as your butt. I believe in Asian countries the toilets are built into the ground so that you have no choice but we westerners in our lap of luxury have taken to reclining while pooping. You sure can't get a couple chapters of that book in while trying not to fall ass-first into the toilet! So in typical American-style compromise and ingenuity, I got me a foot stool to put my feet on while in the act and then after a courtesy flush and a few chapters I can lean sideways and take care of cleanliness. Folded and wet rather than balled up like some barbarian.

pipi_k

(21,020 posts)

7. What the...

Reply to Recursion (Original post)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 11:37 AM

Sep 2013

???

Wipe while standing?

That sounds to me like brushing your teeth with your mouth closed.

Duer 157099

(17,742 posts)

8. I think the term "standing" is a little confusing

Reply to Recursion (Original post)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:42 PM

Sep 2013

It's more like squatting in the same position, no?

Recursion

(56,582 posts)

9. Well at least high enough to keep your hand out of the bowl

Reply to Duer 157099 (Reply #8)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:43 PM

Sep 2013

But, I mean, you're more or less standing.

Duer 157099

(17,742 posts)

10. But it's a unique sort of standing

Reply to Recursion (Reply #9)

Mon Sep 16, 2013, 12:47 PM

Sep 2013

Last edited Mon Sep 16, 2013, 01:32 PM - Edit history (1)

Just imagine if you "stood" in that position at work. What would people think you were doing?

ETA: maybe it should be called the "quarterback stance"? It's somewhere between these two: