that must be why he is such a dick


seriously, what an asshole

It'll make you feel real good inside.....then he'll bleed out and you won't have to hear his shit anymore.

There are jerks everywhere. Sorry you have to put up with one at work.

He seems to be overly concerned with his sperm. Maybe you can offer to smash them while they're still in his testicles the next time he feels he needs to offer them to your wife.

His wife probably hates him and he hasn't gotten any in about 10 years. Tell him to fuck off.

On a much more important note, to you and your wife. I know how difficult this is for you both.

Practice it a few times in the mirror so you can get it out casually when it counts.

He offers his sperm to your wife...you tell him you'd prefer to not have stupid children.
He comments that donuts will up your ammo...point out that so will not being a chronic masturbater but he's fucked on that count.
Break out a tactical nuclear comeback if need be "you're just jealous nobody wants to have your kids."

It doesn't have to be good...it's all in the snappy retort and the delivery.

Well, OK. I can't defend that at all.

However, his boorish behavior wasn't so far out of the norm 20 years ago. Look at the good side of this. The fact that this jackass stands out reflects the progress everyone else has made during that time.

jackasses.

Asshole.

He sounds like he thinks he's Mr. Macho. Turning the tables on him so perfectly would be brilliant, but I could easily picture him physically coming at you. Not too much of an issue if you're on your guard, though.

Also, since he instigated the verbal confrontation, he'd likely be fired on the spot. And unhireable afterwards. That would please me infinitely, but you may be a nicer guy than I am.

They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.

Walk on. Remember, the average IQ is 100. That means half the people you encounter are idiots. We're surrounded. Expect them.

I think it is great that you and your wife are so eager to have a child. I have really no knowledge about women's health issues, but I have to wonder if your wife is having an early onset menopause. If she is concerned about it, she should see a doctor. Obviously if she is that would make a big difference. Maybe it's just anxiety on her part because she wants to have a child and is frustrated. I don't know. Alleviating both of your stress might help with her getting pregnant.

As for the people at work, it is nice that most people are supportive. There is always going to be that one person who is a total jerk. He is just that. I'd be careful what you share and with whom. Some people just don't have the tacit to be kind.

and since we are talking about snappy come backs I have a few suggestions:

The next time he offers to be a "sperm" donor I'd say:

-I didn't know you had any left. Your landlord called and said they had to steam clean the ceiling again.
or
-After masturbating all weekend I'd think that thing would be all shriveled up.
or
-Don't you get enough action with your blow-up doll at home?

credit that you didn't whack the first guy, which he deserved.

That is THEIR stuff and has nothing to do with you.

One thing you could do is look at them like they have two heads when they say something stupid like that.
Or say, "Excuse me?" in an incredulous tone.

As a poster above wrote, your wife's body changes could be partially or wholly due to stress.

That guy at work sounds like a real piece of work. I like some of the one-liners above. Since he's obsessed with sperm, you can consider yourself forewarned and forearmed.

Love some of the comebacks above. Two particular standouts: humans can't interbreed with jackasses and you'd prefer donations from the guy banging his wife.

that you want your children to be kind and thoughtful, so no thanks for your sperm.

Or just look at him sideways and walk away.

getting caught up in an exchange with the guy. I would slowly practice infinitesimal avoidance of him. So subtle he can't accuse you of doing it deliberately but enough that it starts to annoy and frustrate him because he has no chance to take his self-hatred out on you.

Much more fun than confronting bad people directly.

"Hey, (name of douche), how's your wife and my kid?"