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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI have a black eye.
I got into a fight last night with this big fat bastard who was trying to break into my home. He got a shot in but I ended up kicking his ass and he ran away. I got the black eye after I slipped on the ice and slammed my temple into the corner of the car door. I must not have been the first home he broke into, as he left a big bag of stuff behind, presumably stolen from his other break ins. It was dark and I don't have a description, but I found traces of red cloth and white hair strands under my fingernails. Keep an eye out for this asshole.
Update:
I just heard from the Oneonta Police Department. that this EXACT kind of break in was reported many times last night and I was not the first. In fact many N.R.A members reported taking a few shots at this lunatic. I heard 1 person who said that "If I had a 30 round magazine I would have cut that sucker in half. But since I only had a 5 round mag all I ended up doing was shooting a few holes thru the walls of my kids bedrooms." Sad isn't it?
From UPI:
"According to recent reports from the O.P.D. "This is not a 'LONE' perpetrator, but the work of a TEAM", consisting of one man and one woman. The woman, apparently being a prostitute, as the main 'Person of Interest' in these break ins, was heard, multiple times, calling out for the help of his 'Ho' according to unconfirmed reports."
People just seem to go nuts during the Holiday Season. This incident has convinced me to join the NRA and buy a weapon to protect my home from unwanted intruders. And I hope the NRA pamphlet explains the difference between -an intruder- and -an unwanted intruder- because I would hate to draw down on the WRONG intruder. I could probably find the definition under a subtext if I looked up the difference between rape, and REAL rape, but I digest...invest...divest...uhmmm....wait..... digress...yeah that's it...DIGRESS.
Merry Christmas Everybody.
P.S. It sucks that I had to turn this bag of goods he left here over to the O.P.D. As I looked thru it before they arrived and I would have LOVED to own ALL the crap in the bag. It's almost like I ASKED for this stuff. How strange is that?
IrishAyes
(6,151 posts)hermetic
(8,310 posts)Did you write that? Brilliant. You might just have a Christmas classic there. So, I'll kick it back up now that people are starting to check in after their busy day.
I've copied it to send to some friends and Merry Christmas to you. Thanks for the belly laugh.
Unknown Beatle
(2,672 posts)last year too. Thanks!
ailsagirl
(22,899 posts)Sorry to hear that
hermetic
(8,310 posts)SPOILER ALERT!!!
The perp was wearing a red suit and had a white beard. And no, it wasn't MFM.
dixiegrrrrl
(60,010 posts)Didja notice that he has been absent from the lounge these last few days?
How does he explain that beard?
those cute crinkly eyes?
those apple cheeks?
I has my suspicions......
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)You need a little something to compensate you for your damages...
Happy Holidays, and thank you!
rug
(82,333 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)a basket full of chocolate eggs, right?
Warpy
(111,338 posts)is that you know the stuff aint yours. You'll get what you want eventually, it just wasn't present in his bag of stolen goods.
I've surprised thieves more than once and turned their bags and tools over to the cops even though they ran like hell before I could dismantle them.
Old, sweet granny ladies who are retired nurses still know how to hurt people.