They REMAIN dead to me.

It is still far down my queue line.
If it is in Netflix, I'll watch it.

My father and his sister went for over 10 years without speaking. He found out she died 3 years after the fact. He never got over it.

You've done an amazing thing.

the saying about Revenge ... taking poison and expecting the other person to die. I think it's pretty similar to holding on to anger and being wronged. You may not have had a choice in the situation, but every moment afterward, choice is made...to hold on, or to forgive. It dawned on me when I realized that forgiveness didn't absolve the other person for their actions. In fact, it had little to do with them. They have their own path to walk. Nor did it mean forgetting as sometimes that is impossible, depending on the situation.

The other benefit is that you don't infect other people with it any more, either. We did an exercise where we were to write down on paper 5 people we had problems with...in the order of intensity. Then they said, take number one...do the work...bitch and moan and struggle...but do the work. The rest will be easier.

As a couple of posts up ... An Inside Job.

Thanks for the post.

In our ethnic group, we take our grudges to the grave. I never forgive or forget someone who has "done me wrong".

Especially if it's a deliberate "done me wrong".

I nail them at the wall and throw knives at them.

LOL

[img][/img]

And I HAVE been trying to get to the "higher levels of awareness," and holding onto that ONE thing always kept me from getting there. I felt things lighten up and open up. Plus, my sister is elated. She's been telling me daily about how much she missed me and how good it is for us to be speaking again.

Hi,
I'm happy that you have gained some peace from your experience of forgiveness. I have just stopped caring. I don't feel like it is a burden on me. No need for quotes around "wronged" for me. She has done wrong by everyone in my small family. She has treated so many people like crap for so many years, if not caring gets me by, I don't feel any need to offer any sort of forgiveness. If she came and asked for forgiveness, I would think about it.

Peace

My own struggle is not with forgiveness but what to do when a behavior that drives you nuts just won't stop no matter how many times you've reconciled. I only see two options. You endure the behavior of someone who is terminally stupid or sever ties. Neither option brings any sort of understanding between parties.

...I was on the phone with my ex night before last and at the end of the conversation she said "I am 75% convinced." I thought "Uh oh, I know what THIS means, I've heard that "75%" thing before."

Sure enough, she called yesterday and started talking about some completely unrelated things, and I finally had to ask "What's going on with _______?"

She replied "Nothingggggggggg..." And she said it in a little girl voice which made me realize how much time I'd wasted on the 12:30 AM call the night before (She texted me and said "I know it's REALLY late, but can we talk?"

I keep wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt but she's carved out a little spot in life and is determined to live and die there. It takes too much out of me to encourage her, especially when right now I am in the grand mother of "trials" in my own life. It's like Lucy yanking the ball away from Charlie Brown every time he runs up too kick it. Eventually you decide it might be better to go kick someone else's ball.