I have had big strong manly men hold me and weep when their parents pass away. It's hard for almost everyone. Be strong in front of them, but feel free to be weak when they're not present.

It's awful.

A weird thing for me is trying to be more tolerant and compassionate toward them than maybe they were capable of being toward me when I was growing up.

for my mother for her last three years of her life. I would not trade those years for anything. It was both difficult and satisfying. Although it was more difficult to care for her the farther along ahe was on her journey through dementia, she also was more funny in the comments she made.

I guess I should be fortunate that I have a job that lets me work from home, but it still is not easy...

if she were a child at my feet. And instead of fretting I am happy she seems happy to play. I thank gosh for all the help we have in a variety of ways. I count our blessings.

My father died at his typewriter on Thanksgiving day, so I didn't have to watch him decline. My mother grew into a child. All she wanted to do was color, play with dolls, etc. Neither were what you'd call a "good" parent, but it was still hard for me. I was grateful that she had reached a point in her life where she couldn't remember the lousy parts of her life.

One of my favorite memories of her was when my sister and I took her to Culver's (burger/frozen custard place...freakin' awesome) after my dad's funeral. We got her a chicken sandwich and a sundae for after lunch. My mom kept trying to eat her sundae first and my sister would correct her and tell her she had to eat her lunch first. My mom would wait until my sister wasn't looking and very slowly sneak a bite of her sundae. My sister was irritated as hell, I couldn't stop laughing.

but it will be rewarding as well. I hope you can keep a sense of humor. It will help at the time, and you will create memories that will help you remember your parents with laughter instead of tears.

We were lucky to have had him with us those 9+ years. Yes, it was hard; local mental/social help organizations and Alzheimer's associations can make a huge difference. One thing that seemed to really make things easier was his great geriatric doctor, a rarity here. Another was a mini-tape recorder for him to use when he wanted to tell stories of "the old days". That helped with his memory loss and feelings of nostalgia and helplessness that most Alzheimer's patients experience. The most difficult aspect of that damned disease is the patient's frustration.

If you're fortunate, your state Medicaid agency may help cover some in-home care; he was a retired State employee, so that made a big dent in what we could do for him.

One thing caregivers do forget - that is to take care of THEMSELVES as well. Be sure you're eating a healthy diet, getting enough rest, and for the goddess' sake, lean on everyone who offers assistance!

Please feel free to message me if I can help at all; I still have some research materials and can find more.

He passed away, at home, in his own bed, in 2008, with his kitties by his side.

I wish you the very, very best in this difficult journey, but can promise that it's worth it. There will be a lot of tough decisions; choose what is best for ALL of you.

Sending my love and hopefully some strength your way.