She did something, I forget what, and I told her, that's it, you're getting straws for Christmas.

After she opened it, and looked up at me, I had to run and get her the rest of her presents.

some wooden hangers for Christmas.

So I could buy Sunday newspapers. Seriesly.

LOL

I know most of that store is cheap, Made in China crap, but I regularly buy quite a few items from there:

Witch Hazel
Cotton Rounds
Tissues
Paper Towels
Mouthwash

Hair accessories (especially for my mom who always breaks them)
Cell phone charging cords

Other things I've bought there
Gift bags
Plastic tablecloths (to cover office tables to make them look nice)
Coloring books (will be a stocking stuffer next year)
Keyring clamp (learned on Buzzfeed to store hair elastics on them)
Hair claws
Hair elastics (even the good ones are only good for 4-5 uses before they stretch out. Might as well buy them cheap)
Accessories for a costume (ok Sarah Palin type reading glasses)
Puzzles

I used to shop at Dollar Tree quite a bit before they moved across town.

We used to go there on Saturday to get the Sunday paper for $1.00.

I get:

Dermasil lotion
Ibuprofen
Band-Aids (not the brand name kind, though)
Make-up removers
Dishwasher detergent
Foil
Garbage bags
Lunch bags
Sandwich bags
Magic Eraser-ish cleaners
Sponges
Tissues
Wrapping paper
Tissue paper
Gift bags
Candles
Thank you notes
Tape
Envelopes
Candy & gum
Mixed nuts
Batteries
Bottled water for my emergency supply
Ice scrapers for cars
... lots of other stuff ...

Wow!

i never shopped there and it just sounded hysterical to get one

i was hoping for a $1.00 card
instead, she put $5.00 on it

still pretty damn funny. i kept it for several years and finally used it

(of course she got me other wonderful presents but that was the funny one)

on edit:
reading through the thread, i'm remembering a couple more--

my mom and daughter teamed up to buy me an ugly xmas sweater from the website oprah talked about one year--specifically uglychristmas swetaers dot com or something to that effect. that was funny but the sweater isn't *that* ugly

also, my kid bought me a book by bill o'reilly! for a joke! because she knew how much i hated him!!!
i was kinda pissed that she actually bought it (which helped to increase his sales by 1) but i remember writing in it, rewriting lines, drawing devil goatee & horns on his picture on the dust jacket.

...with the eyes that follow you around. From my devout in-laws. What do I win?

Congratulations!

One year my middle sister gave me one of those spring loaded breast enlargement things. You do the exercises and supposedly your bosom grows to massive proportions. Apparently she felt badly that I got cheated in that department. Or maybe it was her way of rubbing it in. Anyway, it didn't work.


Then there was the book on feeding birds along with some assorted store coupons for various things, which wouldn't have been all that bad except they were expired. That was from my MIL, who was in her late 80s at the time. That should have been a clue she was losing her marbles, because a week or so later she realized what she had done and was all embarrassed and apologetic. I told her not to worry about it...

Gotten one of those water brassieres and then stuffed it with "chicken cutlets" (the silicone enhancers that don't require surgery) and put on a curvy cashmere sweater and said "Gee, it's a Christmas miracle! That thing works a treat!"

So far, you're winning this thread in my count...that was a cold gift!

I was about to say that there would only be one problem...I'd have to keep buying chicken cutlets when the old ones got too rotten to wear. (not realizing of course that they weren't actual real chicken)

So anyway I suddenly remembered it was the Mark Eden breast developer:

http://www.tackytreasures.com/top/markeden.html


And yeah, it was a cold gift, but then she's always held a grudge against me for being the first born and relegating her to middle child status even though it wasn't my choice and our younger sister was just as much "at fault" for being born last, otherwise the middle sister wouldn't be the middle sister.

Anyway, she got back at me for my Great Sin by screwing my first husband.

I suppose you could look at her perfidy as a benefit--she basically ensured that you didn't stick with a faithless spouse. She may not have wanted to do you a favor, but in the end, she did. She "vetted" your husband so you didn't waste too much of your valuable time on him. Who needs someone who is not dependable in that regard?

LOL at the chicken cutlets being real....ewwww! What's that smell?

That thing could be a gift that keeps on giving....you could mention that you found the device in your attic and sold it for some obscene sum of money, that you donated to a cause that she hates!

Ahhh, revenge--a dish best served cold!

a wrist watch the size of 58 Buick hub cap my wife and daughter bought me for the Jesus picture which has got to a collectors item by now .

when I was like 20 or so from my aunt and uncle. They always gave the worst gifts.

The writing was close to the proverbial "It was a dark and stormy night...Suddenly a shot rang out!...Dan Masters looked at his watch...2:54 AM....he knew this was going to be a long night...His phone rang...a sexy female voice said..

That's about as far as I got.

It is about three feet long, and it is a Christmas tree. I has gaudy ornaments and presents under the tree. My youngest daughter laughed out loud when she saw it. We use it every year, and laugh.

She also gave me a nativity scene bake set. One is supposed to bake cookies in the shape of the figures at the manger scene and then eat them.

You and your daughter must have wonderful senses of humor to laugh at those gifts.

now that I'm getting older is that I'll give someone a totally inappropriate gift.

RE: the relish dish...something similar happened with an anniversary gift from my MIL (shortly after the bird book and expired store coupons)

She gave hubby and me a set of Monkey Pod candy dishes/dip bowls for our anniversary.

This was sometime in the late 90s. The bowls came from a trip she and her late husband had taken to Hawaii in the late 60s or early 70s.

It was splitting all over, oozing, and smelled like chemicals. We drove it out to the woods and left it. (just kidding, I would never do that to the wildlife)

My husband got a Brut by Faberge gift set that was extremely tattered around the edges, having undoubtedly been through God knows how many rounds of re-gifting. I can't remember what we did with it so for all I know it may still be out there... circulating.

My sister got a jar of face cream in a Secret Santa exchange that had obviously been used but the gift-giver had tried to smooth out the top to make it appear new. Bleh.

Every Christmas, I always get at least one pair of earrings. Nice gesture, except I don't have pierced ears so they're absolutely useless for me (I did at one point and ended up getting infections from everything).

Other honorable mentions is that I got a set of headbands and hair bows from my aunt when I was 14-15. The headbands and hair bows had been marked down and she left the (clearance) price tag on them. Last thing to mention is that they were from the infant's section and clearly not made for a high schooler.

Everyone knows I despise that movie. So, to tease me, my step-daughter got me the book for Christmas. Everyone in my family also knows that I'm a very good gift-receiver. I would die of shame if any reaction of mine were to clue the giver in that I didn't appreciate my gift.

So when I opened the wrapper, knowing by the shape that it was a book, and saw the title, my face lit up and I shouted: "Oh COOL!

The whole family knew I was putting them on, though. Then I opened the book, and out fell a nice gift card. On the flyleaf of the book, my stepdaughter had written a sweet note acknowledging the teasing and hoping I would get something nice with the gift card.

So although the gift itself was terrible, the gift-receiving experience was fun and memorable.

But one year my husband bought "me" an umbrella stand of our entry foyer.

From my cousin's 9 year old daughter. And yes, I kept a smile on my face & thanked her.

after getting back from church, I was young and being a punk cursing around the house After we came home from church I heard noise coming from the rooftop, I opened the front door and found a package wrapped in a strange brown paper. It contained a clear soap bar and some coal, no note but I got the message. I still have no idea who made the noises or who left the package......

in the gift given to me by my parents the Xmas after I graduated from high school: a set of luggage.

But a really weird gift would have to be the gift-wrapped photo I received from a cousin some time in the 1970's: It was an 8 x 10 photo dated 1942 of our uncle laid out in his coffin at the funeral home with the wilted flowers all around. I had a Halloween party the following year and used the photo in the middle of the mantle with black candles and dead flowers. At Xmas, I wrapped it up, put a bow on it and gave it back to her. It surfaced periodically over the years, but I have no idea where it is now.

That was good.

Ironing board cover ? or some Wart Off wart remover ? Nothing says Christmas better than a bottle of A200 crab and lice shampoo .

It was a toy, but my brother got a bike. I don't think I ever played with the iron, but I sure as heck stole his bike whenever he wasn't looking.

Decades later: A gardening set, with hand tools and packets of seeds. Never mind that I am notorious for my black thumb (house plants have been known to keel over when I enter a room), but at the time I'd been bed-bound for a year while waiting for back surgery. Turns out that a SIL had mixed up the mailings, and I got the package intended for my sister and vice versa.

One year Dad finally got his sailboat and was thrilled when I gave him a navy blue sweatshirt with "Captain" emblazoned on the front. He became unthrilled when Mom unwrapped her matching but much smaller sweatshirt with "Admiral" on the front. Paybacks for the ironing board, worth the wait!

I tried to lift my arms. Green, ugly, ugly plaid. We were supposed to make something as a gift and I worked so hard on mine - this woman is a very good seamstress, has worked all her life making clothing for grads, etc., and my (ex) sister-in-law. She knew exactly how big I am, but had always had this thing against me - I think because my (ex) mother in law really, really got perturbed at her (my sil was a know it all who never quit talking and interrupting) and was always glad to see me. When she asked how I liked it I said, great!, I can stitch it back together and give it to the eight y/o down the street! Anyway .... she just smiled a little. I laughed.

That doesn't SOUND like a terrible Christmas present, but if I would have been in Mogadishu spying on Mohammed Farah Aidid instead of staying in upstate New York meeting and marrying who I did, my life today would be quite a bit different and, most likely, a hell of a lot better.

One family member (every year for decades) sends a donation in our name to various charities. They take great pride in coming up with a new target every year. Then we get a stream of cards and calls from the recipient forever. There's a new charity every year and the donations are small and we usually get a card that a donation was made in our name. The list so far over the last few years:

-providing farm animals (goats, chickens, etc.)
-orphanages
-seminaries and monasteries (that sell chocolate, etc.)
-third world farmers (coffee, etc.)
-save the animals (all types: whales, pets, etc.)
-hospices
-sending missionaries
-feed starving children

You get the idea, and there's no shortage of deserving charities, except almost all of us are now bombarded by requests for more money for years - and we're sure that the charities must be sharing information. If you're on two or three lists, then they assume you're a target for the next funding effort. Even if you ask off a list, you're already in the loop forever.

A few of us have tried to politely request a change in this habit, but to no avail. Sorry about the .

The first was from my great aunt. Every year she got my cousin and I a really nice hand crafted ornament to jump start our Christmas tree ornament collection. And then there was the year when I turned 13 and he turned 14. We each go a plastic Big Bird ornament with her picture in a heart. In said picture, she is obviously drunk off her ass. My mom later found a similar ornament and sent it to my cousin years later just because that's how my family is.

And then this year, I got myself major open knee surgery to implant new cartilage under my knee cap. So I will spend 6 to 8 hours on Christmas day stuck in a continuous passive motion machine to reteach my leg how to bend. And the rest of the time will be spent locked in a brace that doesn't allow my leg to bend. Sadly the cartilage that they harvested from me to grow was taken just after my birthday this year, so I gave myself surgery for both my birthday and Christmas.

I guess the doctor's present to me was that he didn't do the other portion that was planned to remove part of my tibia and realign how my knee tracks. From what I was told, I didn't need that, but I still have to wait until the follow up on Tuesday to see why that didn't happen.

I was in middle school.

In the era of hip-hugging bell bottoms, a relative gave me a pair of high-waisted, straight-leg, too-short pants in a Charlie Brown print.

My mother made me wear them to school. It scarred me for life.

to replace my knife that he'd broken months before (trying to chop frozen meat).

He made a point of telling me his friend didn't think he should spend so much money on me.

that's clueless but still sweet, ya know?

She got a new oil pan drain plug for her BMW for her next birthday.
My Exes sister.

But like Danmel, I can think of a birthday gift that fits that description perfectly. A few years ago I was sent a bible that had one of those fancy covers with my name on it. It is still in the box on my bookshelf. If I could only find someone with the same name as myself I'd give it away.

In fact the first person who guesses who it was correctly (which relative), I will mail you the bible free of charge.



To quote Bill Murray in Groundhog Day: "I'm a god, not thee God."

for 'passing along' nearly new gifts. One of the most memorable was a shawl I had lent her for a special occasion, which I forgot about until she wrapped and gifted it to my little daughter one Christmas. My daughter was eight or nine and quite puzzled why grandma would give her such a disappointing gift. The lime green featherweight wool shawl (it was the 70's) was badly wrinkled, and stained to boot. She also often gave those holiday potholder/oven mitt/dish towel sets that she had only slightly (but obviously) used, sometimes even as bridal shower gifts. It was always a tossup whether we'd give her nice gifts, knowing they'd be re-gifted, or crappy ones we didn't care about.

ETA: Almost everything gifted by my bargain-hunter older sister was chipped, dented, cracked or stained. But I loved her anyway, most of the time.

a bottle of perfume from an Aunt from a unknown department store that had a sticker under the box that said, TESTER. That's when I began to suspect that the entire family was a clown car of fucked up.

I have to admit, that was one funny way of saying, "I think so poorly of you that I would do this and want you to know how I really feel about you."

I bet we have 3 million of them in our drawers already. Well, not that many...but a bunch

From a co-worker.

They are almost useless outside in the snow, because they get all soaked, and the hands get COLD!

I think between my Grandma and my aunts, I got about a dozen pairs altogether.

I guess the "worst" would be when my grandma only gave me about $10 last year. I would've preferred to either get more money or an actual gift, but I know that my entire family has been struggling to get by. Even $10 is better than nothing, though, and it's the thought that mattered here.

I knew an old gentleman who gave each of his grandchildren ten dollars at Christmas. He had so many grandchildren that he ended up giving quite a lot of money.

My friend once got ONE used, stretched out, grey wool hunting sock.