The zombie bursts into my room...

I tell the zombie that if it lets me go I will lure people to it so he can eat and build his rotting army. I mean...does anyone want to come over for free cheesecake?

but I might break in at 2 am to steal some cheesecake after I'm done these beers. mmmmm cheesecake.

and slip out of the room, undetected.

He has none.

Sits right next to my cell. Also - pair of small scissors, can of air, ipod & glass bottle of tea.

I'm equal distance to 3 exits.

I'll probaly get eaten.

Seriously. I'll just stand there like an idiot, amazed by the appearance of zombies.

I have Gerber gator hanging around somewhere too, they are awesome knives. Although Gerber has some serious over-the-top product placement on the walking dead.

You never know.

I watch the Walking Dead. Damn Carl.

I got books, a clock radio, the cell phone, a little plastic bottle of water, a bottle of generic Claritin, and a bottle of Pepcid. I suppose I could jam ALL the pills in the zombie's mouth, pour water in to force the pills down, then clock him while he's gagging...

Its time like this that make me wish I had a pocket sized rocket launcher!



Laura

calendar, and a pair of headphones, and a cell phone. I guess I tangle them in the head phone cord, paper-cut them to death (?), and snap pictures of the carnage to post on DU using the phone camera...

so plan B is put on the headphones, close my eyes and tune out while I'm being eaten.

To my immediate left is a copy of the "Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual", a copy of "38 North Yankee", a USB cable, a snack tray, a mug, a copy of "The Eagles Farewell Tour: Live From Melbourne", a bottle of white-out, a tube of Loctite, a blue highlighter, and a long-handled lighter.

If I can reach over to my right bathrobe pocket, I can draw a switchblade. Left pocket, a flashlight. And of course, the sash for that cool Rambo look.

If I lean over and pull on a drawer, I can access my little gun safe and pull out my .22 pistol... but I 'd have to punch in the combination first. This assumes I don't fall out of the chair in the process. Probably can't get to it fast enough.

If I get up, I can reach a speaker, a pair of arrows with no points, and a glass-encased candle.

If I can get up and shuffle over 3 steps, (or dive over the footboard and roll across the bed) I have a military-surplus Swiss bayonet handy.




For the record, I got caught up in a "Star Trek vs. Star Wars" discussion a couple of months ago, hence the manual, and the Eagles CD isn't mine. In fact, I'm not quite sure how it got down here. And the arrows are for my kid's bow... which was my bow some 25 years ago.

For helping him move. His brother is a police chief.

It's a very nice knife, but I don't want to get in trouble if I cop pulls me over or something.

So I keep it in my bathrobe. Which I only wear in the house. So, barring a police raid, the only way the cops will know about it is if I have to use it to defend myself. And if I ever have to use it on somebody, a misdemeanor will be the least of my worries!

Which is good, because that is the way I'm diving to get to the back door in the kitchen.

Wait. What? They came in that way?

Then they're right behi

Then, when they pass out drunk I make an escape with my gun, all my bullets and the half gallon of vodka I have squirreled away in my bathrobe....

Well..... You're all set then...
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(I want you on my team!)

I used to do martial arts.

Stapler, large empty wooden in-box, Photo of my kids and in the desk drawer to my left is my leatherman and a hammer. I hit the first zombie with the in-box, its solid oak and very heavy, grab the leatherman and use the hammer to fight. Since I am 28 floors up, there better not be too many of them, otherwise I am zombie breakfast.

My best shot is to let the phone ring. The zombies may think they work here like the rest of the zombies I already work with, so they'll sit down and answer it. I'll escape with my tea and maybe even the lapel pin.

So, I have a boatload of pens & pencils, a few pairs of scissors, a couple of rules. Not to mention a small fax machine and two printers, a bunch of CDs, a lot of books and 3 ring binders, a computer monitor and desktop station, plus a laptop computer, some file cabinets, a few pictures, a 3 hole punch, my cellphone, a regular desktop phone, a power strip.

oh, and a chair and my desk.

Oh did I mention it was expired?

I'd have the following I could grab

• Vicks 44 Sore Throat Spray in cherry (could use as a pepper spray)
  
• My cell phone and my wallet but with just my debit card and DL in it. Maybe $15 in change. Oh my Ipod is in there - they do say music soothes the savage beast
  
• A metal fork
  
• One pen - writes in pink
  
• Box of Kleenex tissues
  
• A Matchbox of a Philppine Jeepney. Someone from the Phillipines sent it to me. It's kinda heavy - I could throw it at them.
  
• One report I'm working on - I could papercut them to death
  

But, there is a clear path to the back door or the bedroom where I keep my shotgun. I am little and quick but not a fighter, so my best bet is to run or get my gun.

Ah.. its this one over here.

First, we have some really kickin sunglasses. So whatever happens next will happen in style.
I have a fork. A pocket knife. a sharpie. an electrical outlet, some tax forms. just below that, we have a roll of steel cable and some books.

Several of the books are hardbacks written by GRRM, thus qualifying as the best weapons to hand. The first 3 zombies fall with rather completely crushed skulls. The 4th in looses his eyes to the fork, and becomes slightly less of a concern unless zombies can use echolocation. The rest is useless, so I am hoping that the 5th is an accountant who can be distracted in the doorway by the tax forms before he realizes you don't have to keep track of deductions for "braaaiiiinnnsss", allowing me enough time to escape upstairs and spend my final few moments with my wife rather than alone, seeing as I have no alternate exit that isn't going to leave me to crippled to get away.

I suppose If I could get my bed in front of the door, I could hold out a while. The mattress is heavy enough, but the frame could be used as a temporary roadway during periods of construction, so it should hold a door to block some zombies. That would give me enough time to add a slightly bloodstained lab coat, brightly camouflaged pants, and a beret to my sunglasses, and go out in true style.

It's even on my left.

That worked out well.