Marketing professionals are celebrating yet another a magnificent victory in yesterday’s Super Bowl XLIX, after securing unprecedented levels of coverage for their range of tawdry products.

In a match between the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, which was won by one them 28-24, all eyes were on the brands that could most successfully exploit their exposure to tens of millions of American wallets.

English sports fans watched the Superbowl in wide-eyed bemusement, as the action was endlessly interrupted by marketing messages from companies promising to make your life immeasurably better, for a price. Manchester United fan Simon Williams told us, “I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but watching the NFL’s Super Bowl makes watching the Premier League seem like it’s staged in 1950s communist East Germany.”

There are also concerns among fans, after reports that Premier League boss Richard Scudamore spent the entire evening watching the action whilst repeating the mantra, “Amazing, just amazing.”