I'm afraid anything else might be repeated in Preschool and find it's way back to me.

I should start screaming "have a lovely day!" just to be safe

Very smart! Wish I'd thought like that . . . .

When he was young, I frequently kept my nephew on weekends. One weekend when he was four, we ran a lot of errands. Running errands was his favorite thing. When I took him home, he ran into his mother's arms and said, "you know what, mommy? When Auntie Kim drives, she says shit a lot!"



Twenty-five years later, he still remembers. I'll never forget.

the even smaller ears, as well.

I used to have two cockatiels, a male and female. The female never talked, but the male was quite chatty.

One day Mr Pipi walked by their aviary, said hi to the two of them, and the male yelled back at him, "Bastard!!!"

Apparently he had been paying attention to what I yelled at the teams/players on TV during football season.

...5 dogs, and an African Gray parrot. Buddy the parrot is known to say "Goddamned dogs," when they bark too much.

I believe there was a study years ago that came to the conclusion that about 18 percent of the drivers cause 85 percent of the "Hassles"

Probably about right. We forget all the good ones....
About 1 out of 5 sounds about right.

Not nice words. But unless the offending driver is a Spanish speaker, they can't understand me or read my lips.

upward and called me a "stupid goddamned motherfucking piece of shit."

I had never seen her before, but I openly lauded her wit and brevity.

to deserve that kind of epithet?

other than driving a pretty new car. A black 1989 Honda Prelude. With the dealer's MSRP sticker still on the window. Sticker shock, perhaps.

My kind of woman.

Thanks

I generally just shake my head and/or roll my eyes. Most offensive traffic moves by other drivers are followed quickly by the other driver moving away from me. So I feel lucky to still be safe and just drive on.

Now the tailgaters are another matter. They just hang back there as if there might be some small print on my license plate or maybe my car is connected to some deity and just touching the bumper would heal them, their car or whatever. For the those folks I have terminology based on how problematic their distance is. I refer to the average tailgater as a wedgie. We've all seen them; they're out there, clueless precipitators of mayhem and destruction. More dangerous and offensive than the wedgies are the hemorrhoids. They are careless, offensive pains in the ass. The worst, of course, are the rectal polyps, virtual cancers on daily traffic.

The ones I really worry about are the extreme 'Deliverance' hicks. They look like city traffic is a completely foreign concept and they haven't heard the term 'defensive driving'. The concepts of turn signals and stopping distance are unknown to them. They may often have an unfortunate ratio of teeth to tattoos and they treat traffic signals and painted lines as mere serving suggestions.

These people need the occasional "brake test" to remind them to stay back.


One of my ex BILs had a most annoying driving habit. Didn't matter how far ahead of him another car was, he had to speed up and then try to pass the guy, or ride his bumper. Like nobody in the world was allowed to be in front of him. WTF.

...are those members of said group who, once they've passed, proceed to drive slower than you are. They really don't want to go faster, they just need to be in front.

are also the ones that speed up as soon as you put on your signal to move over in front of them.

I've started to just move over anyway, whether they honk or not. Sometimes that's not possible, too, because every driver behind them is just as assholish in not allowing anyone to move over in front of them, either.

...the one's that need to give your vehicle a sigmoidoscopy by just about fly into your trunk and start flashing the hi-beams.

An old friend solved this problem by mounting a nose gear landing light from a 707 on the rear deck.

But it probably wouldn't be legal, not to mention even more dangerous for other drivers around those assholes.

Better would be to have fake James Bond-style machine guns rise out of the fenders and facing back

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caltrop

and easier to get away with "losing"


Personally, I'd rather have an art car for that "back off" factor:

An alternative vehicle may be the best idea:

http://www.armyjeeps.net/armor1.htm

facing to the rear would work, too. They want to get close, well, help them out a bit!

...a dump truck with a junkyard in the back

not the whole freeway

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074597/trivia?tab=qt&ref_=tt_trv_qu

(by becoming one!)

Then just drive over to Apocalypse-Mart for the less expensive Chinese knockoffs.

Its as if some entity speaks thru me in certain traffic patterns .This scares me and years of therapy have been futile .

friend when driving and try to figure out why people are so rude.

https://vine.co/v/Mazj9JpYJUt

I find myself saying that one a lot

I scream things that would get me fired faster than an ESPN anchor lady were they leaked to the internet.


But I would never say those things where a live person could hear me.


If i have passengers (other than my wife who joins in the screaming and will reach over to assist in horn honking because my fingers are otherwise engaged) I stick to just plain ol' motherfucker and fucking asshole. You know, tone it down some.


I'm really a pretty pleasant person in real life. I figure it's because I get most of my frustrations out by screaming at fucking assholes on the road.

call drivers that drive slower than us "f'ing assholes" and those that drive faster than us "f'ing maniacs". Works for me...

As in

"LOOK OUT FOR THAT IDIOT, honey!"

"I see him, but I'm trying to STAY OUT OF THE WAY OF THAT MANIAC!!"

Before kids, I'd just throw around the f'bomb. Kids have made my swearing far more fun as I try to find better ways to swear without using the "bad words."

But why be lazy?

I'm not proud of it, though.

1) Really ???
2) C'MON !!
3) Jerk !!
4) MAROON !!
5) Jiminy Christmas !

I think the actual term is fucking idiot.

which when said to a man is even more of an insult.

but I have screamed "PLASTICUNT" a time or two.

I have no excuses for myself other than a lot of traffic.

You don't wanna know what I say (driving alone, so I'm free to swear relentlessly) each day!

Or insulting the sexual proclivities of the offending driver's mother