Your loss is personal, something no one on this board can understand...no matter how many emoji's you get. Sucks for you, hope you get some kind of personal understanding...

I hope time will help heal you...Hang on to your good memories.

I'm not sure what I believe when it comes to this area. Her mom is heavily into the whole "John Edward Crossing Over" thing.

Me, not so much.

I'm lucky in that I'm not one of those "There are so many things I wish I'd said" folks...I pretty much said it all, to her face, while she was here. I don't think a day went by without me telling her I loved her.

While she was still with us, I'd be in the middle of one thing or another and if I were alone, sometimes I'd have a little one-sided conversation with her out loud. Sometimes I'd just say her name out loud and smile. I've done it since her passing. It's brief and simple stuff, not an in-depth analysis of what Dostoyevsky was thinking when he wrote War and Peace or anything like that. Just a moment, a small moment.

I don't think she had any doubts about my true feelings while she was here, but if there is any chance at all that she's heard me since she's been gone, any doubt has been removed.

I was in Colorado when it happened. I have been back in Nevada since the first of this month. I drove out to the the exact spot on the highway where it happened. There was a Highway Patrol officer in the gas station...I spoke with him and as it turns out he's friends with the officer who was on the scene that day, so he texted him and told me the mile marker number and how to find the exact spot. I pulled off to the side of the road, turned off the engine and just sat there in silence, listening to the sound of passing cars and the howling wind. I said my private goodbyes to her physical form but I can never say goodbye to the part of her that still lives in my heart, that is with me every day, that rides shotgun in the seat of my car while I drive from one end of this tiny little desert town to the other.

Life is so fragile.

I hope that eventually, as time goes on, the hurt will lessen.

I lost a young protege to suicide last summer. I know how long the anguish of a close loss can cling to you.

I think you're brave for having the clarity of thought to share your feelings here. It isn't easy to do, but it makes a difference--not only to you but to all who grieve and can feel your words. So, thank you.

I believe you peace will come with time. I'm sorry that you have to go through all that time with no shortcuts to the healing process. But please know that it always, eventually, gets better.