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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsDeath sucks.
not something I expected to have to do until much later in life. My Mother is dying. She's finally home from being in a nursing home for about three months. In December, we were told two months, maybe a little longer if we were lucky. Mom is basically bed-bound, she will sit up in a chair for a little while during the day. 16 different meds, and high levels of oxygen are in use. Which we have stumped just about every respiratory therapists as she uses a cannula and a non- re-breather mask...at the same time. None of them have ever heard of this. It's medically necessary though to keep her oxygen levels up to normal. She's 67. I'm 37. I just for the first time had to clean her up after using the commode. I took a shot of Jameson's. That was medically necessary. I will get used to this, I know I will. I hate it. But I want her to have some form of quality of life until she leaves us. But I still fucking hate it. I will still do it. She is my last parent. My father died 17 years ago. He was 49.
Thanks for listening.
dr.strangelove
(4,851 posts)I know from my own experience how hard this is. Honestly, when that time comes, unless it is legal in whereever I am living at the time, I am moving back home to Oregon to take control of my death and go when I am ready for it. Its not for everyone, but I think it would be for me.
I wish you and your family peace and I hope your mom is pain free until the end. I hope her quality of life improves, but if not, that she can take some joy from her time with you. Most of all, I hope that this period of poor quality of life goes quickly for her and for all of your family. I will keep you in my thoughts.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)hate it. i hear ya. and still, you are giving such a gift and it will be with you for ever, what you do for your mom.
to you all
bluesbassman
(19,379 posts)Went through a similar experience with my dad five years ago. The only thing I can say is that you'll be glad you were there for her down the road. Stay strong like I know you will.
dana_b
(11,546 posts)and I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Bertha Venation
(21,484 posts)You are a good child.
siligut
(12,272 posts)You are a very good daughter and I know you can do it and I know it is very difficult. I took care of my mother during the last two weeks of her life and looking back, I wouldn't trade those two weeks for anything.
Kali
(55,019 posts)take care of yourself too, you will get through this
peace and rest to your Mother
Swede
(33,282 posts)Looking after our aging parents is no fun,but we gotta do it.
hedgehog
(36,286 posts)Old and In the Way
(37,540 posts)My mom passed away 13 years ago from ALS....we pretty much home-cared her to the end. My sisters had to deal with the bathroom issues, but we all took turns caring for her as best we could. I hope you have siblings to help spell you? If not, I know it has to be even harder, physically and emotionally. PM me if I can help.
we can do it
(12,193 posts)YankeyMCC
(8,401 posts)acknowledge the suckiness and hate...All my sympathy and hope for peace for you and your Mom
Taverner
(55,476 posts)Everything else is an abstraction.
Fuck death. It cheats too many of us out of meaningful years that would make the world a better place.
The thought of an afterlife convinces otherwise rational people that death is some kind of release. It is not. It is death, of EVERYTHING. Death of your mind, death of your soul and death of you.
Fuck death.
I will always fight you to the end, as long as I am able.
frogmarch
(12,158 posts)I don't know what else to say.
elleng
(131,102 posts)that of your mother, and that you will be without 2 parents at such a young age.
It may be foolish to ask this, but have you been in touch with hospice, to help at home with some of your mother's needs?
Ron Obvious
(6,261 posts)I'm so sorry. I went through this with both my parents at about the same age you are now. I developed a serious drinking problem as a result of having to deal with having to help my father go potty and seeing him in his senility reduced to petty childishness.
This too will pass. You're doing what's necessary to help you cope with this for the rest of your life. All the best of luck to you.
blaze
(6,373 posts)Wish I had some words of wisdom to share.
bluedigger
(17,087 posts)denbot
(9,901 posts)KT2000
(20,587 posts)as difficult as it is right now, the many ways you are growing and giving for your mother will give you infinite peace in the years to come. She appreciates it so much.
Peace to you.
VenusRising
(11,252 posts)Stay strong. You are giving your mother a wonderful gift.
Maine-ah
(9,902 posts)for words of encouragement, and sympathy. It helps put my brain back on track...that we're doing the right thing, or doing our best to anyway. I actually have three siblings, but only two of us are taking care of Mom. The other two, well...I can't call them the names that I'd like to...against the rules, but you get the drift.
Mom has chosen palliative care at the moment. I think she will change her mind and switch to hospice soon. She told me today that she just can't do this anymore. She's exhausted. Not eating, barely drinking...etc.
Again, thank you for listening to my rant...I'm sure there will be more.
Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)headed your way
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)You are, indeed, too young to be having to deal with this, but I'm very proud of you for stepping up. Yes, you WILL get better at what you have to do. I know your mother is comforted by your presence and your love. She raised a good daughter.
Now, all of that said, you must remember that the caregiver needs care, as well. Try to find moments when you can take a breather, take a walk, get some rest, eat well, etc. Take care of yourself or you will be no help to your mom.
Wishing you both peace and comfort...
auntAgonist
(17,252 posts)aA
kesha
Frosty1
(1,823 posts)I just kept reminding myself how many of my dirty diapers she changed for me.
NJCher
(35,729 posts)It can be understood.
Understanding that it is a transition alleviates some of the pain.
Our culture does not teach us the big picture, and that makes our life considerably more painful. There are cultures on this earth that deal with the unseen, but not here in the "mainstream" US of A.
What you're going through is terribly difficult. I've been through it, too, with my dad.
My heart goes out to you and I wish there was something I could do.
Cher