Supreme Court Votes to Legalize Rush Fans

In a week that saw landmark decisions for both health care and gay marriage, the Supreme Court, in another hotly contested issue amongst the justices, voted 5-4 to legally recognize fans of the Canadian supergroup, Rush.

As far back as the Carter administration, fans of the prog rock trio, currently celebrating their 40th year together, have been deemed outcasts and routinely beat up just for wearing t-shirts with the band's logo to home room. An affliction they cannot control. On numerous occasions, reports surfaced of these courageous adolescents being shunned from cool high school parties and forced to masturbate in their bedrooms to Farrah Fawcett posters, while fans of The Stones and Zeppelin made out with the hot chicks. These reports have yet to be confirmed, but it's widely rumored to exist.

By legitimizing the group, Rush fans, nationwide, are now free to walk outside and use words like "alchemy" in public, without fear of reprisal. Also, the DVD box set of Game of Thrones, as well as any purchase of a Dungeons and Dragons home game, or Revenge of the Nerds Trilogy on Betamax, is now tax deductible. Furthermore, females are now welcome at any performance without having to sneak in disguised as an overweight, bald guy in his 50s.

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