Two knee fish...

That's a moray!

never heard that one

Edith and Marie were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain.

Edith pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Marie: "What's That?"
Edith: " A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Marie: "Where did you get it?"
Edith " You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Marie hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Marie: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Two farmers.
"Found a great way to freeze corn on the cob."
"How?"
"Put one in a condom, tie a knot in the end. No freezer burn. Works great."

Guy goes into town Friday and buys a gross box of condoms.
He and his wife carefully count out 12 dozen ears of corn and start bagging.
Get to the last ear and they're out of condoms.

He goes back into town on Monday.
"That gross of condoms I bought? It was one short."
The druggist looks at him for a minute.
"Gee, I hope it didn't ruin your week end."

is entangled in every punchline.

These two drunks are leaving the bar at closing time and talking about money and style.

One of them says that the hotel across the street is so swank, they have gold-plated toilets.

"Get outta here!", says the other one. "No way!"

"It's true", says the first one. "Last night, when we left here, I used their bathroom and they have gold-plated toilets".

"This I gotta see".

So they walk across the street and into the reception area of the fancy hotel.

"Excuse me", says the one guy, "my friend here swears that he used a gold-plated toilet here last night. Could that possibly be true?"

The clerk in reception takes a long look at him, and then turns around and shouts:

"Hey Phil! I think I found the guy who crapped in your tuba last night!"