Deciding what one really wants in life is the hard part.

company, in case her husband didn't.
(edited to add that I meant to respond to the OP instead of the first response)

I hope things get straightened out before too long.

he's crazy, and you just can't predict what a crazy person might do.....

Why?

Because we already know he wants the house.
All he's done for the last 20 years is sit on the couch in his bathrobe smoking pot and playing video games.

She's been the sole breadwinner.

He's claiming that he was a "traditional stay-at-home-dad" and so wants the house and spousal support.

If she leaves, it only strengthens his claim, plus, God only knows what he'd do with "their" property (if she was unable to take everything she wanted with her).

The car is pretty much proof of that.

Plus, he said he was going to cut down her rosebushes.

I hate that guy so much right now....

I tried to get a cop to protect me while I got my things out of the house, but cops are not allowed to do that. I ended up getting a restraining order because he threatened to be really crazy if I ever left. My daughter made me leave. Your daughter needs a good lawyer. There are so many dead beat husbands now. We didn't have the women's movement so we could go to work and have them mooch off of us and abuse us. She will get through this and will be so very happy when she does.

The value of the house is not worth living with a psycho. She needs to take video of the house and possessions and just move (and yes I know it's easier said than done, but I am somebody who once made the decision that I would rather risk being murdered by my crazy husband than stay with him, so I understand.)

Stuff is just stuff, it can be replaced. She cannot.

It sounds like she needs a new lawyer. Someone who understands the situation she is in and can care more about her than her money. (I went through three before I found one who would work for me.)

Divorce can take a long time—sometimes years. She needs to let go and move on. If he takes off again, she should take advantage of the time, pack her personal belongings, leave and never go back.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope she leaves sooner than later.

Awkward … but perhaps necessary. Their presence could be just annoying enough for him to leave, if they understood their place there (platonic, supportive, something that might bug the living shit out of him, but what could HE do?)

This guy sounds like a vindictive piece of garbage. Your sister might need a battered women's shelter and a lawyer who specializes in these issues.

That would force him to move out. If they have any joint credit cards, close the accounts if possible (they'll have to be paid off). Then she can get her own. If they car is repairable, get it repaired and have the lock changed so that he won't have a key. She should pay all bills that need to be paid, then withdraw half and open her own checking account. Personally, if she can't force him to move out, I think she should leave. No amount of property is worth her life. Besides, does she really want to continue to live in a place that he knows?

I'm sure her lawyer can give her advice. Divorce laws are different in each state regarding what's considered surrendering property.

I came home one night to see the husband's car all smashed up on the street, with a few parts scattered here and there. The thing is, it's nearly impossible to get any speed going on my street to get a car all smashed up like that, especially given the place where the car came to a stop and the direction it was pointed.

your life matters more than all the "stuff."

I appreciate it so much because I am so distraught over this situation.

I had a long talk with my sister last night and here's the update:

1) About the car: our uncle is a semi-retired police detective (he still works part time). He went looking for an accident report and couldn't find one. He concludes that her husband probably hit a deer or other large animal. Therefore, no other party to call PD or file with insurance. My sister's divorce lawyer is going to add it to the case he's building that husband is irresponsible (this is the second accident with that car, first one he got a ticket for causing) and therefore should not have rights to the car.

2) About the restraining order: My sister's lawyer has been begging her to get a restraining order since day one. But, up to this point, my sister wanted to be "nice." That's now off the table and she says she will use the next incident, if it can be construed as threatening in any way, to file one.

3) About the house: If she gets the restraining order, he's out of the house. So that would be great. Right now, he's trying not to give her an excuse, because he has literally no where to go. But, we'll see how long he can resist being an asshole.....

Update on the divorce case:

He filed with a response to her petition and here's what he's doing to make her life hell:

1) He's hired the most expensive family lawyers in town (not sure how he got them to take his case). They are known for celebrity and high-profile cases. He's petitioning the court to have my sister pay for it all. (since he's the victim, you see, and never wanted the divorce)

2) In my sister's petition, she described him as "unemployed". His response was "traditional stay-at-home-dad". (The kids are 20 and 18 and both no longer live at home). And so therefore he deserves spousal support.

3) Even though we live in a community property state, he's claiming he has his own property that he's entitled to. (The house maybe? But I have no idea how he'd claim that - he's never paid a dime for that house).

How do people like that live with themselves?!?!?!?