Plenty of people say they need a "change of scenery" thinking that by just moving, whatever they were unhappy about will disappear. I did that after my mother died, and it doesn't work. It sounds like you need to sit down and talk about what he wants to run away from.

But I've also had dogs in apartments. I guess it depends on the type of dog (not to take your husband 's side here).
I also like change, sort of. I need to move around, to travel. I get bored very easily. It makes me a lousy partner if the other person doesn't get that. I've been a restless soul since birth, claims my mom.

Husband hit me; I left the house; everything changed.

After # years my life, tho different, is good.

But I don't know if those were midlife crises or just evidence of a short attention span.

Be careful about moving if it means giving up both dogs.

There is another DU poster here who has had to live with giving up cats that meant a lot
to his wife when they moved to a condo that didn't allow cats. For some people, having
a pet--dog or cat--is really important to their well-being.

Not having a dog may be a GIANT red flag for taking on the move for your husband.
If that's going to make a big difference to him, it might be time to slow down and really have
a heart to heart talk about what is motivating the move, how your lives will change as a result
of going from a house to an apartment, and what price each of you is willing to pay for
the difference in the lifestyle.

Sounds like you are not in favor of this move.

although sans the pets.

Consequently, moving -to- an apartment NY-style in any city pretty much represents the END-of-life crisis I feared most.

I waaaaaaaaant it. Reminds me of my first car, a 68 Firebird.


It's not crisis level yet but could get there if I don't figure out a way to get one soon.

I've been driving ragtops for about 3 decades. I buy used, but late model.

Anyway, i had one that was long in the tooth (>200k miles) so i'm looking for new. The independent by my house had one. I thought, driving by, it was the Mitsubishi.

So, i called them, but it was the Nissan 300Z. Two seater with a lot of engine.

I told my wife i scratched it because it looked too much like a midlife crisis. People in town are used to seeing me in a convertible, but not a hot sports car.

So, i bought a Sebring instead. This was around 8 years ago and i was 50 or 51.

but if I can figure a way to swing it without breaking the bank, I'm gonna get one. My wife teases me about it but she'd rather I get a car than a mistress.


She did NOT think I was funny when I told her not to worry - a car was way cheaper than a mistress.

with only 39,000 miles on it. It stays in the garage and looks like new. Wish I could drive it again.

that is definitely urban but has a bit of yard for the dogs? It seems cruel to give them away. I always say, once someone has made a commitment to a pet, it should be for life (unless there is some dire emergency, which this definitely is not).

And why do you have to walk them at 5am? Like Rider, I let mine out sometimes as late as 7-30 to 8am, in bed usually by 10.

It sounds like you and dh need to have a serious talk about the move. Why is it not realistic? Lots of people have dogs in apartments, even big dogs.

Were you consulted at all on the move?

And I hate to hear about people giving up animals because they're no longer convenient.

We have some friends who looked at those, and I admit it's tempting.

we have some other places higher on our list

But I have been so busy with other things that I totally missed it, and at 63, it's probably too late now. Oh, well. You can't do everything. Am I supposed to regret this?

... it would be impossible for such a thing to happen.

-- Mal

From what I've read, the dramatic mid-life crises tend to happen to people who are 1) not introspective or reflective in the least and 2) who have not been gradually changing and evolving up till then.

I agree with the other posters, talk with the husband heart to heart and why not walk the dogs at a later hour ?

I love my home but...

it needs some work to be flawless. 25 thousand would make this place absolutely amazing but he isn't willing to put that into it.

He is afraid that in the next few years more could go wrong than what he is willing to put new in (air, plumbing ect)

We both are not in the best of health- he can't mow it and we have 3/4 of an acre which is pretty big for a city yard. If/when I go to the hospital we are kind of away from stores and places-I think he feels trapped location wise.

Our kids have lives of their own now and my nephew graduated college and is now living on his own.

My hubby doesn't drive in this city and I think at times he feels constricted. When my nephew lived here they always went to store or Gander or some place. I don't like to just go go go. When I get home, I want to be home. If we lived downtown, he could just walk to places he wants to go. He could also walk to and from work and wouldn't have to depend on me to come get him if his ride isn't at work. During the school year we go in together and that isn't an issue but during the summer, sometimes he has to wake me up to take him if the weather is bad or he misses the bus.


As far as the puppies, We both have to be at work at 7 and I just can not see getting up earlier just to take a dog out. For years all we have had to do is open the back door and let them out.

The female is easy going and wouldn't be a problem in an apartment other than the inconvenience of having to walk her on a leash.

The male, on the other hand, while loving to us doesn't take well to strangers. He is a good 78 lbs and there is no way I can walk him ever. Hubby can walk him but he is strong. We are afraid that if a jogger got close or someone on a bicycle got close the male would try to see what they were all about. I just don't think it would be a good situation. He really is a great boxer but he just doesn't like strangers.

95% of me is into this move, 5% isn't.

We would be better off and would have some equity and other than house expenses and student loans we have no other debt and would be able to live.

I guess I am just conflicted. I am not sure why this has suddenly become urgent and even when we started talking about this last month I never dreamed it could happen so soon, I thought it would take a few months - not a few weeks.

I just feel like he is restless and I am not sure why.

We are looking at 4 more places this week and maybe things will become clearer.

I have an 80 lb german shephard who has injured me a couple of times when I've walked her (pulled me off the porch once ended up bruised with cracked ribs, and pulled me when she saw a raccoon, I was trying to slow her down when I tripped picking up speed going downhill, dislocated and broke my shoulder). I will NEVER take her out again without the gentle leader on. Some dogs can use it for a short time and learn that they aren't supposed to pull when on leash, but others (like mine) have to make the switch permanently. They will still pull, but it's not enough to pull me off my feet or drag me any place. It works like a horses halter. The leash connects to the front, if they pull, their head turns. You do have to switch to a standard 6-8' leash rather than using the extendable leashes - they put pressure on the gentle leader when not needed. Another name brand is "Halti".

Best of luck trying to figure this out. I love our Noelle, but I'm still recovering from that shoulder dislocation that happened the beginning of March. I was told that it could be another year of strength building and pain meds before I'll know how much motion/strength will come back.

to be good walkers.

My parents (RIP) were married for 45 years, lived in the same house for 45 years, and Dad had the same job for 40 years and drove the same old car for the last 20 years. Guess it's not in my genes or something.

I hope you reconsider; this is not fair to your pets.

Pets are a commitment.

before getting any dogs. If you need to get rid of dogs because it's too inconvenient to walk them, then you shouldn't have gotten dogs to begin with.

It is another case of someone not taking into consideration the *fact* that while the dogs are *part* of their life (evidently a small, inconvenient part), their humans are *all* of the dog's life.

I just hope the dogs end up with people who actually want them.

It makes me very sad and not a little angry when I hear of people who give up their animals because they're just not convenient anymore.

They are not disposable. Very sad.

we don't want to give them up-they are not an inconvenience

IF we do this, and have to give up one, it will go to our nephew who lived with us when we got them both and they grew up with him as well as us so there is that


sometimes people get stuck on a minor point and miss the major ones

I'm glad that if you give one up he will be going to your nephew.

There are other options -- my dogs are both strong, so I use prong collars when walking them. They don't normally pull against them, but if something catches their attention, it keeps me more in control. As someone else mentioned, there are 'gentle leader' or 'halti' collars. If you concerned that he might bite, there are large wire muzzles that allow them to pant and drink water, but prevent biting.

If your husband wants to keep his dog, then he should be willing to walk him, or hire a dog walker.

There are items you can use to help your big male to be better behaved like prong collars, muzzles or gentle leaders.

But if the.sticking point is you, him and the early.am walk - just hire a dog walker for that hour.

Then your husband handles the rest of the day's walks.

result- divorce after 32 years.
i think it is a real thing. i second the advice to have a heart to heart about it all.
especially if it means giving up your dogs. personally, i would give up the husband first.

I have been trying for 6 years and she keeps stopping me.

No sports car, no boat, no new toys.

Actually I feel as though I've had 5 or 6 different lives in my years.

It's more just the unpleasant realization that I'm not where I had hoped to be in my life at this time. And there's not much I can do to change that.

It's a long story, but there have been a couple unexpected doozies in my life that really derailed what I had been working toward.

Such is life, I suppose. As one philosopher once observed: "Oh yeah, life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone."

I hope things work out for you and your husband.

Our third, born when I was 46.........

The kids are: 17, 15 and 8.

A Porsche would have been cheaper but not nearly as much fun and educational. Her older sister asked her at age 4 what she wanted to be when she grew up and she answered "older" which I think is tangentially applicable to this discussion...


I got married kind of late, age 35, I told folks I married my Second Wife first. I think this delayed my mid-life crisis. In fact, I think I've done everything about 10 years after I could have......I hope that applies to death too.

but this song has an ear worm for a few days now. .