20 years ago today.....I stopped drinking booze

Dec 31 1995....38 years old.

My family always celebrated with alcohol. And as youngins do we try to grow up early. I ended up in the hospital at 11 having my stomach pumped. I had tasted a large liquor cabinet while my Mom was away with my siblings. I settled on a bottle of Courvoisier Cognac because it hurt less to drink. Drank about 1/3 the bottle & was rushed to the hospital.

Ok just a minor glimpse of my descent... But I came from a dysfunctional family and that sowed the seeds of my illness.

I am one of the many people who just can not imbibe even a drop without going overboard. This is a genetic problem & needs to be better recognized. So the bowling pins were all set up.

Family stress & holidays-there were so many excuses to drink. I had done obvious damage to my health & social interactions. I was living on friends couches till they got tired of me.

Then I was homeless for about 4 years but I had the advantage of a part time job & a vehicle to sleep in. I managed to get a spot in a mobile home for rent & repairs. The place was a huge mess but at least I was off the street. My mother was wonderful in so many ways-and had a great public persona. But angst guilt & drama were her calling cards at home.

My 2 siblings got out as soon as it was legal-my sister before actually. I drifted in & out till she finally booted me at 30+. Can't blame her there

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Now a slight side story but it is pertinent...

I had finally gotten a physical address & some legal crap had to be taken care of.

I had a drunk driving conviction & by coincidence my Mother was the director of the counties drinking drivers program. She forbade me to attend the required classes at her facility. I went before a judge & he forced her to take me in. But I was not allowed to tell anyone she was my Mom. One evening in class a guy came in angry. That ^%&^% B()tch blah blah blah...And I realized he was talking about my Mom. That night I went home to do the usual plow down-12 pack of generic beer & peppermint schnapps(eeewww I did that??Yep). That sonofabitch was talking about my Mom!

As I started getting drunk I had an epiphany...What he said about my Mom was factual. It wasn't just me. And more important it wasn't my fault....

And finally I got sick & tired. Sick & tired of being sick & tired. And I was seriously hung over on my birthday-Dec 31st as in today in 1995. I quit cold turkey. I had previously had people try & help me-I never listened. One issue is all the clinics would force me to stop smoking pot as well. I was not comfortable with that & went solo.


I kept the 12 pack of beer I had bought for the evening in the fridge. It stayed there for 6 months before I gave it to a friend.
I figured if I couldn't handle seeing beer there I probably shouldn't go into any store that sold beer.

I eventually became caretaker for my Mom when she was diagnosed with terminal emphysema. If I had still been drinking it would have never worked. And I am glad I was able to see it through I have no regrets there. Sadly I also learned more about my Mom's mental illness.

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Fast forward and today is 20 years...

I got married-had 2 girls with a wee bit of help of course. And my life is GOOD.

Still a pothead & thank god it is legal in my state. I honestly believed my pot use help me stay away from booze.

My Physician (who had seen me a few years earlier when I still drank) put it perfectly. He remarked on my improvements " I don't care that you use pot-the effects to your health a relatively benign-stopping drinking probably saved your life".

And so it did.

And my future wife would have never even looked at me in my former condition.Long story short is there is hope for even the most stubborn booze guzzler. But I had to make the choice myself & that involved personal healing. I hope anyone who has seen the wrong side of the bottle-one too many times-can take the lesson it can be done.

But you have to do it yourself-for yourself.

Happy New Years....