See how she reacts.

I've helped a number of friends that way, including some who I've never met in person. They were all cool with it, and grateful.

I think it's very generous of you!

Because of pride, or because it seems...presumptious? If I just send the money, she might accept it, but she might be offended. I know she can use the money, but I don't want it to seem like I'm expecting some kind of quid pro quo relationshipwise, because that's the furthest thing from my intention.

So I just let it go..........and eventually they come around.

You might try that.

Or you might find that the perfect moment arrives where you can tell her what you'd like to do...and see what happens.

I'd say, make the offer. If she says no, then just tell her that you're willing to help if she changes her mind or comes upon something unexpected. Then drop it. You certainly don't want to badger her about it.

Yeah, just sending money out of the blue is a bad idea. I think you need to make the offer and go from there. Times after disasters like that are stressful enough. Mostly, you just want her to know that as a friend you want to help, but in a way she's comfortable with.

It is presumptuous and rude to send money to an independent adult without first discussing it. It puts the recipient in a very awkward position because they now don't have much choice in the matter without potentially insulting you.

My sister once sent me money without first asking. I never felt comfortable talking to her again and yes, it did turn out to be a passive-aggressive way for her to demonstrate "superiority" and control. It completely changed the nature of the relationship, and ultimately killed it.

It's a very fun thing to do, but you have to be willing to play innocent if
she says, "someone just sent me $X and I have no idea where it came from...did
you have anything to do with it?"

And, of course, it has to be a gift with no expectation of repayment.