Especially since it is the daughter, who didn't have a say on the sale of the house.

As children we get imprinted on the places we grew up in; the places that were home.

I would like to visit the place where I grew up. But it is a dental clinic now and nothing to do with the place I called home.

You are the owner. You have the absolute power and authority to decide who can enter your home and who cannot.

It is entirely up to you if you want to let her continue to visit or not.

Both choices are correct.

Plus, if you are having trouble keeping the place up, and decide to sell it, there won't be a more avid buyer, or a person more willing to give top money for this place, than this person who is so attached to it.

Something to consider.

I would probably let them come around but not all that often and only with advance notice.

I don't like pop-ins from anyone.

I, like you, have driven past places I grew up, yet never asked to go inside because you truly can't go back.

I don't think you would be out of bounds by refusing a request to visit. It is your private space, and that is intrusive. This sounds like the type of person who would want to come by often with different family members. That would drive me insane. You wouldn't be rude, but she might be. Best of luck to you. That really sucks. It is absolutely abnormal. If I couldn't get a hold of a new owner, I'd let it go.

But like you, I'd have a hard time saying no so I'd probably wuss out and change my number.

It's one thing to drive by a place you once lived but it's very intrusive to just stop by for a visit. I would be uncomfortable with the situation but I don't know how to resolve it. Maybe letting her come in once would get it out of her system? I don't know.

However... perhaps you can offer a compromise. What if you ask that she communicate by email rather than phone. Then, write and tell her your feelings about the discomfort. And then, maybe, offer to send her some photos so she can see, but only what *you* feel comfortable showing? Make them low resolution so she can't see the flaws you are worried about.

It's easiest really. Pull off the bandaid and say no. If you feel that you must add more to 'be polite' then let her know that while you appreciate that she grew up here, it's your home now and it's private- it is not a public museum for tours.

If she's written you then you likely have her address so drop her a flowery card with the above. If she writes again then mark the envelope return to sender/refused.

I bought a house from an estate. We've done tons of work on it. No way would I let the former owner's kids or grandkids tour it. If they wanted to keep the house then they should've bought it when it was up for sale.

If you don't nip this firmly in the bud now, she will periodically show up with random people. Do you really want that?

No.

It is your home now. It has been for years. Honestly, you may have to get rude right back at them. Some people are just clueless.

As much as you appreciate them having an attachment to the home, it's your home now, with your families memories. They need to move on. Especially with the niece having a home nearby, you need to shut the door on this. You are not a stop on the memory tour.

wish her good day and then shut the door.

your home is your sanctuary. you are the one who chooses who may enter.
no need to explain or give a reason why, either.

the daughter has some boundary issues. do not let her nosyness take advantage of you and your space.

it is downright rude and entitled of her to think she can even ask.

The first house my parents bought wound up having some... ahem... "goods" the previous owners had stashed a kilo of in the walls...

The couple who bought our house we built and I put my whole soul in, keep sending us texts with pictures of things they have done to fix place up. It bothers me because the new patios, fences, etc were things i wanted and couldn't afford.

We answered politely a few times then just didn't answer back.

I am visiting town this summer and was tempted to drive by, after reading this I think I should just move on with my life.

I enjoyed my years there and should live with my memories.

It's one thing to drive down the street you once lived on. But repeated visits to *your* house? That's just plain weird, intrusive and clingy.

They're the ones being jerks, intruding into your life. They need to grow up.

Take one call, tell them politely no and ask them to please leave you alone since it hasn't been "their" house for many years. If they persist, tell them you are filing a harassment complaint with the police, and do it. Keep a log of every phone call, email, whatever. That's not being a jerk; that's protecting your right to privacy and your right to be left alone.

Honestly, you don't know anything about them or what they might be up to. Especially where a close relative of theirs has moved in nearby, for all you know they might be hoping to get the house back from you at a bankruptcy price. I have a neighbor who wanted my house and couldn't afford it. He used to come on to my property when I wasn't home, tried to run my horses out into the road once, came over and mowed my "island" -- the one thing that gave me some privacy from him, had the effing gall to complain that he can't tell if I'm home or not because I put my car in my garage, lured my dogs across the street onto his property by leaving a large liver by the road at the edge of his property. Anything he could to try to either drive me to sell in desperation or put me in bankruptcy.

My son just finished a cross country road trip from NC to CA and back again. He stopped at both houses where we lived
in MO and NE, went up to the door, explained he had grown up there, asked if he could come in and see it. In NE
they let him in and showed him the house; in MO there was only a babysitter there with kids and she said 'no'. When we were living in
the NE house, I had the grandkids of the man who built it in the 1920's ask to come in and see the house when they were visiting
neighbors on the street. I let them, because I was curious just how much they had removed from the house when they sold it (they
had stripped the house of its original light fixtures; removed stained glass windows on a landing between the ground floor and upstairs;
removed carved wood gargoyles in the front entryway...and I also heard a story about how the famous pianist, Rudolf Serkin, had sat
down to play the baby grand in the living room one time. There had been a fire in the house when it was struck by lightning in the 60's
and I heard about that, too and how they had to bring workers from NY to repair the gorgeous plaster ceilings in the living room that had
been ruined by water damage from fighting the fire.)

So...you might hear some interesting stories about the house.

That being said, it sounds like this woman is intent on wearing you down until she gets a chance to come inside. So, your option may be to
agree she can come in once, that's it, don't bother you again, OR to just tell her 'no' and to leave you alone--and then be willing to follow
up with legal action to get her to stop harassing you.

Your call.

I had a solar panel salesman look hostile after I told him no one comes inside my house.

My policy is you come into my house by invitation or with a court order. I have family members with chronic illnesses. Our privacy is a respite from the world's intrusions. I don't like hurting people's feelings so the few door-to-door people who knock and are looking for more than just to have me buy a candy bar are told that my wife isn't feeling up to visitors and isn't dressed.

In you situation, I would say something like, 'I'm sorry, we value our privacy and are very uncomfortable with strangers inspecting our house.' Then just close the door.

I've lived in 6 houses and 4 apartments in 3 states. I have never even once knocked on any of those doors. Not either of the houses that are 20 minutes away nor the one that's a bit further in which I grew up and lived in until I married at 24. Perhaps I'm the odd one. Maybe I'm a bit of a recluse but I pay the taxes and it's my property to do with as I please. Folks that can't let go maybe shouldn't have sold the house.

Maybe this woman is lonely and wants nothing in her life to evolve or change. IMNSHO if you even once let them in, you will encourage that behavior and make it seem acceptable. If you want to be her friend, then absolutely be a friend, invite her as guest and expand your circle. If not then draw the line. Life is rather short and you don't get refunds, repeats or do-overs.

Lastly, if someone makes you uncomfortable due to their actions, body language, demeanor or appearance you should pay attention to your instincts. There may be a reason for that.

It doesn't matter whether the former owner is abnormal or if you just want the privacy and freedom you're paying for. If you wanted people you don't know stopping in, you'd have opened a bed and breakfast or posted a sign offering public tours.

Full disclosure: My 40th high school reunion may be held this summer, and I wouldn't mind looking over the house I lived in for 18 years all that time ago. If I do, I will absolutely write the current occupant, explain who the hell I am writing to them, and ask politely if they would like to hear some tall tales from back in the day about their property. I suppose I should include a sentence to the effect that they absolutely can say no to my request, and my feelings won't be hurt.

From the description, it sounds like the daughter of the former owner has crossed the line. At this point, I'd have to go with saying no, but in a convincing enough manner that she doesn't ask or drop by again. While "I don't think it's a good idea" will work with a lot of people, the daughter doesn't sound particularly tuned in to other people's feelings.

I would simply say no, it's not going to be possible.

Firmly.

People come into my house by invitation only, and even then, there are areas of the house they never get to see. I think that it's completely inappropriate and disrespectful to ask to see the inside of a house one no longer owns. I would say something like, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with that." If they then came to my door, I would tell them that I will call the police if they don't leave in five minutes. If they still did not leave, I would actually call the police. The house is yours. This woman has boundary issues. You are under no obligation to support her dysfunction.

I run by my childhood home all the time. I love looking at "my bedroom window," but it wouldn't even occur to me to ask to come in.

visit once. But, she was in from California visiting the next door neighbors, she grew up with one of the son's who bought the house after the parents death. So not really a problem.

The daughter of the former home owners of your house is fast approaching stalker realm and is well into the creepy zone.

I have driven past two of my former homes but never really wanted to visit them. Though if I lived in the town I was born I would probably arrange a visit to where I got my start and lived my first few years. Well it is still a funeral home and it would be a nice full circle of life, parents rented an apartment in the back when first married.

...what are they going to do?

Letters, drive-bys, showing up unannounced. That is the problem.

you can "have a look", but you cannot keep coming back

this woman needs to let go and move on. and if you let her in once, expect to keep hosting visits whenever she feels the need.

and you don't know this person, her psych make up or emotional stability, or possible criminal leanings for that matter. nip this in the bud. you own this house and do not need to explain or apologize as to why you don't want to let strangers in. i would just say "we are taking good care of it..have a nice day"

i would not answer the phone or the door if she shows up. hopefully she will move on.

The former occupants' wish to revisit the home is entirely subordinate to the current owners' level of comfort in having them there. If the owners say no, then that's the end of it, full stop.

Driving past the house, even on a cul de sac, seems like fair game, though (assuming that it's a public thoroughfare and not a closed, private community, of course).

Several times in my adult life I've passed by the home where I lived until I was four. My father redid the basement of that house, and my sisters and I pressed our hands into the concrete that was later covered by a carpet. I would love to see those hand prints, to connect with something so specifically tangible from my distant childhood, but I can't imagine asking the current occupants to let me lift up their carpets to check.

Still, I understand the desire to make that connection, and I still check out my former residences on Google Maps now and then...


Alternatively, you could let them inside for a look around on the condition that you follow them around while wearing only flip-flops.

you are uncomfortable with it.

The sellers of our house treated us (and the house we just bought) like crap after the closing and after allowing them to stay in the house an extra week. I am still bitter about it. So when they came back to town to see our neighbors and ask if they could come in, I gave them the cold shoulder. The next time they came (years later) they stood in our front yard just staring at everything. It was weird and I still did not ask them in.

the next impromptu visit or phone call.

And if they suggest another time, then 'I'm sorry, I'm very late for an appointment and running out the door, so I've got to go, perhaps another time, bye, thank you!' Really fast and and hang up.

A bit passive aggressive, but, whatever works.

Cute little townhouse we lived in for 4 years in the 80's. One day DH got yakking with one of his co-workers and found out that the co-worker's uncle owns that house. "Does it still have blue carpets downstairs...yellow countertops?" Turns out the uncle has done nothing to the house and it's still decorated in 80's glory that we did. But the uncle refuses to have any visitors as he's also a hoarder and the place is packed wall-to-wall with junk. I'll pass on the nostalgic visit.

Are you able to just block her number so you aren't even aware of when she's trying to call? Just make her not part of your life, you know?

Talk to them and express exactly what you've expressed here in the same tone. Let them know the place is not at it's best at the moment. Tell them how happy your family is in the house and how grateful you are their Dad built something that can last through good times and bad. Acknowledge to them out loud it must have been hard for them to part with the house.

Then if you are satisfied there is a true understanding that the visits will stop you can welcome them with open arms as if they are your own family just ONCE for the sole purpose of giving them a chance to finally put their curiosity and longing for their parents to rest.

I could give you the long and the short of why they are having a hard time letting go of the house but the whys don't really make much difference when the current owner feels intruded upon..... and you ARE being intruded upon. Of that there is no doubt.

In my opinion this plan will give everyone what they need and move on. As a practical matter....

Now all this said, you are within your rights to be a jerk about it. Enough is enough already.

you said "you are within your rights to be a jerk about it." Really? She is not being a jerk. They have lived in the house for 13 years. They are being harassed. Their privacy is being intruded upon. Not nice at all.

She clearly has boundary issues.

It's nice that you understand her point of view, but that will lead you to doing something you don't want to do.

It took me many years to learn how to implement the Miss Manners maxim to say no without an explanation. I am so glad I finally learned to do that, however. Every time you explain why you can't do what the other person wants, they will try to break down your reasoning ( this appplies to children arguing with you, as well).

The difficult but useful approach is "No, we can't do that." When the "why" comes, the answer is, "I'm sorry, that's not possible." (NOT an actual explanation of why; the idea is to reiterate that they are out of bounds even asking). DO NOT EXPLAIN. It's your prerogative to do what you please in your own house. After the third or fourth, "no, that isn't going to happen," you will likely carry the day.

Stick to your instincts and just say no. You have no obligation to this stranger.