May he rest in peace.

He was clearly on a self-destructive course. I doubt anything
you could have said to him would have changed the
outcome. Terrible story.

Rationally, I know there was nothing I could do, but it doesn't stop me from wishing I could have done something. I guess that's natural for most people who see this happen to people they care about.

The record store sells new and used CDs. The record store is also going out of business, and everything is on sale. I ran across a used REM CD called Monster. It came out in 1994. I decided to buy it and got it for $1.19.

When that album came out I was about 21 and Chris was 20. Chris and I were into finding good fishing spots and smoking reefer and drinking beer while we fished. I bought the album back then, too. We would park next to where we were fishing, usually at night, and let the album play on the car stereo while we partied. When I saw the album at the record store today it reminded me of Chris and those old times.

I mean he was an adult, but in his mind he never wanted to leave his youth and he pretty much stayed there. He lived like a teenager his whole life. Whenever I would talk to him he was always talking about old times, "Remember when you did this and remember when we did that...?" It was like life stopped for him when he hit 21 and all he could do was revel in the past...the glory days for him.

Nothing really happened to Chris after his daughter was born. Chris never moved out on his own and never was able to hold down a job. The last twenty years of his life he didn't even bother to try to find a job. The woman who had his child left him and took the kid when she got tired of living in his parents' two bedroom apartment. He lost his driver's license and never bothered to try to get it back.

He just sat there in that apartment for twenty years getting high and tinkering with the hobbies of his youth: guitars, computers, and remote control cars.

I don't know why Chris stopped growing.

with alcoholics and addicts to remain emotionally stunted. I've heard it said that they can stay at the emotional age they were at when they started using. I believe it, I had two of them in my family and have known plenty. They can be in their 40s or 50s and still seem like teens or twentysomethings.

who is still living like she's 16.

It is not uncommon for addicts to proclaim how they have everything under control. I've been there myself.

Again, sorry for your loss. Especially hard when someone near your own age and so young passes.

I was walking back from the bowling alley where I bowled in a summer youth league on Saturday mornings. It was about a mile away from where my family lived. I had been sneaking cigarettes from my step-father since I was 11. There was also a mom and pop's convenience store in the neighborhood that would sell me cigarettes when I had the money. You might find that unbelievable, but it is true. That would have been around 1986.

I stopped on my way home at a creek and sat in a secluded area where I wouldn't be seen and started smoking a cigarette. To my surprise, a stocky teenager with thick black hair made his way to where I was sitting. He had stashed his cigarettes under a rock very close to where I was sitting and enjoying mine. He initially thought that I was stealing his cigarettes and was about to make trouble when I told him I had my own and didn't know about his.

And with that a friendship was started that lasted until today.

I have bipolar disorder and for ten years I lived with it untreated not knowing that I was sick. An incident happened between me and Chris when I was 29 that I'm ashamed of to this day.

Chris and his girlfriend at the time were at my house one evening. I was drinking and got really drunk while Chris and his woman smoked weed. They decided that they had the munchies and went to a restaurant nearby to get something to eat.

I sat there alone in my dining room slowly becoming irrationally angry at the couple. I don't know why. They were gone for what seemed like a long time and I got drunker and drunker. I went outside and saw the woman's car parked behind my truck in the driveway. That pissed me off even more. I got into her car, it was unlocked, and started trying to find a way to move it out to the street. They came back and happened upon me while I was in her car.

I told Chris, "I don't ever want to see you around here again. Do you hear me!" They didn't know what was wrong and they left.

After I sobered up the next day, I called Chris. I had broken his heart. It is the only time I ever know of him crying.

He stayed being my friend, though. The last time I saw him we kind of got on the subject of bad behavior and not thinking I said something to the effect of him not wanting to see me when I'm at my worst. He said, "I know, I've seen it." We both knew what he was referring to.

Jason is a mutual friend of mine and Chris's. He really loves Chris. Jason is also in really bad shape. He's the same age as Chris and has been an alcoholic for as long as Chris was a drug addict. Despite that problem, Jason has a really soft heart. Maybe that has something to do with him being an alcoholic. In my experience, sensitive people don't do well in American culture.

I'm not going to call him tonight., though. Knowing his pattern, I don't want to end up with two dead friends.

I'm not very good at the words needed here, but hang in there.

He's found his peace hopefully; and now you will need to do that as well. Perhaps helping your mutual friend that you mention above who has his own issues might help you both? However you choose to deal with this, know that many of us here are sending healing vibes your way.

You were a very good friend to him. Don't beat yourself up about what you might have done differently. He is at peace now.

He sounds like he was a lovely person. (((HUGS)))

Being able to hear his voice will help you heal...

It's so tough when you lose someone you cared deeply about. I've been there too...

Take care of yourself, OK? I wish there was something I could say or do that would really make a difference, but this is a road that only you can really travel.

Just know that we love you and will support you in any way possible.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

you did what you could.

Peace to you and your friend's loved ones.