7/5/16 to 8/13/16- Some of the darkest days of my life.

I got fired for the first time in my life on July 5th and a good friend of mine died unexpectedly at 42 years old on August 6th. I haven't felt as lost as I did during that time in over 13 years.

I was without a job for five weeks. I know that's not very significant compared to what some of you have been through, but I haven't been without a job for that long since I joined the work force when I was 16. When I switched jobs in the past, it was always by choice with very little gap in between. I am a working man and I take pride in my job. It's a big part of my identity. To be without a job, and especially to be told I wasn't good enough for one on two different occasions aside from when I was fired, was like taking away my purpose in society. I felt worthless.

But I feel good now. Someone recognized a good worker when they saw one and gave me a shot. It's looking like the best job I've ever had. I'm sure some of that has to do with the relief of getting back to work, but it really is a great job. I am fortunate and grateful.

I caught myself about to dial my buddy's number yesterday to tell him about my new job. *sigh*

Another friend who I've known since we were kids is also having trouble now. He went to the hospital the other day with chest pain. They told him he's got a clogged artery by his heart. He's 42 as well. They gave him some medicine to take. I don't know if putting a stint in is an option. He also has damaged himself with self abuse. He stays drunk all the time and has been that way for at least 15 years. He told me today that he drank 36 beers on Saturday. Strangely, this friend may have saved my life or at least kept me from becoming like him.

I used to get drunk and high with both of these friends on a regular basis when I was young. The alcoholic friend became a truck driver when he was 21. When he was home for down time, I would go over to his house and drink beer with him. He would tell me all about trucking and I became interested in doing that as well. I became a trucker when I was 24. Trucking companies are very strict on drug and alcohol abuse. They have to be- it's federal law. It's almost impossible now days to be an addict or an alcoholic and have a trucking career. As a trucker, you are subject to random drug an alcohol testing. They can test you at any time for any reason. Trucking companies have to test at least 50% of their drivers for drugs and 10% for alcohol every year.

Those strict standards are what got me to straighten up my act when it came to drugs and alcohol. I loved trucking and did not want to do anything that would jeopardize my career. I still have a few beers here and there, but nothing like when I was younger and nothing that will put me at risk.

So I kinda owe this guy. I don't know how I'm going to help him, but if he ever asks for it I will be there.