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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsA friend was handed a death sentence from his oncologist today...3 weeks to 3 months.
He had posted earlier that the cancer he's been fighting had spread to his spine. I knew what was coming next but wasn't prepared to actually hear it.
He was later informed that he had 3 weeks to 3 months left.
We were friends in California...haven't seen him since leaving there in 2012 (actually a decade or so before that).
He's a former Marine, so he had Veterans benefits and medical coverage, but today was the "We've done all we can" talk. He's saying his goodbyes.
Cancer still sucks.
WhiteTara
(29,722 posts)to die. I'm sorry for your friend. I hope you call him and just be there for him.
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)...I have reached out to him on Facebook.
WhiteTara
(29,722 posts)Death will be a relief for him but the grief for us that remain is very real.
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)...the 3 Stooges with Cheech and Chong overtones, about 30 years ago. We all went our separate ways, many miles between. He recently reconnected with my brother in law on Facebook and this all escalated rapidly.
So yes, I'm there for him, to the best of my ability.
I hate saying goodbye. Always have. Always will.
BootinUp
(47,186 posts)I'm gonna cry now.
ghostsinthemachine
(3,569 posts)I was stage 3 esophogeal, and beat it. Diagnosed Dec 12th 2016. My ex wife, was stage 4 diagnosed in August and she passed Christmas day last year.
Cancer sucks. I remember the period from finding tumor, PET scan to the oncology meeting where you find out stages and treatment. Very harrowing time. Relieved like you would not believe to find I was stage 3.
DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)there is a surgery, but my relative doctor says she is not healthy for it yet (after 4 weeks of chemo and rad)
ghostsinthemachine
(3,569 posts)My stomach was moved and became my esophagus. Chemo and radiation shrunk the tumor, 6 weeks later removal of esophagus on may 11. I'm almost done.
I've had no effects really. Eating I think I've got a handle on. I've got my hair. I never felt bad, threw up, none of that. I'm lucky, but not everyone is able to have the organ or place removed. And at stage 4, generally the cancer is in more than one organ or lymph nodes. My cancer was in my esophagus only, with my lymph nodes showing possible only. That never showed again and doesn't now.
Stage 4 patients don't have operations because it has spread. No place to operate. So they stay on chemo for as long as they live. Sometimes the chemo, radiation works and shrinks tumors and then an operation is done, but that is rare. The patient is worn down by chemo and radiation that the operation would kill them.
mchill
(1,018 posts)I'm running in months past 5 years, but they never consider BC cured, so every ache and pain, ugh, but your comment about your harrowing time SO TRUE! I remember being in shock, being led from MRI to PetScan to other scans. Couldn't even follow simple directions. It settles down with a treatment plan. I have the stupid BRCA2 gene, and based on Aunts that survived their BC, other cancers are likely in my future. And damn it, those Republicans named their new healthcare plan BCRA...stupid.
alfredo
(60,075 posts)It is sad when someone doesn't make it.
Wellstone ruled
(34,661 posts)know to well what that story is. Family friend entered Hospice last Saturday. We will say good bye this Saturday,hopping he lives that long. Similar symptoms,the Doc's to him last week Tuesday that he had about three weeks and should get his affairs in order.
Buried Two Sister in laws in 15' both passed from Breast and Lung Cancer six months apart.
elfin
(6,262 posts)twenty years ago. An anomaly to be sure, but....
You never really know, while this sounds truly devastating.
GP6971
(31,205 posts)It's the final chapter of life and I went through it with my wife and a good friend. Both were very determined and made it through the process and both actually took solace in their goodbyes. My wife had the same time line diagnosis but she fought it and actually was very functional for five and half months before she died 6 weeks later.
appleannie1943
(1,303 posts)codeine was the strongest thing a doctor could legally prescribe for pain. I hope your friend chooses hospice. When my mom had cancer 17 years later, she opted for hospice. They provided morphine liquid and near the end I gave it to her ever 4 to 6 hours and the last couple days patted inside her mouth. She left us peacefully in her sleep. I wish that for your friend and strength for you and family members.
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)He told my sister earlier that he's ready, he's accepting it. The thing that is tearing him up is saying his goodbyes. I think that once he crosses that hurdle and gets into a peaceful facility, he'll find peace...as much as one can under these circumstances.
The_REAL_Ecumenist
(729 posts)complicated with internal gangrene in February 2011. I wasn't expected to survive the night, while undergoing surgery & then, was not expected to leave hospital, (UC DAVIS). I found out about 8 months later that I was supposed to be dead by March 2011. I haven't had any sort of "treatment, (chemo, radiation etc). since September 30 2011. I did research and began using EFFECTIVE remedies & at the moment, I have been using cannabis oil. ITDOES WORK. What state is your friend in? (BTW, I found out in late winter, early spring that I was in home hospice AND never knew it until I found the paperwork while doing som early spring cleaning). IF I can help in ANYWAY, please let me know...If you want my number &/or email, please let me know and I will send it for you to get the info from me to help your friend.
cwydro
(51,308 posts)Hospice helped me in my mother's final days. It is an extremely thorough process involving many people, equipment etc.
The_REAL_Ecumenist
(729 posts)course of 6 weeks because I had a PICC line with 24 hours of HIGH dose antibiotics. Evidently, I was in hospice but so help me God, neither I nor my husband knew it. He signed paperwork for the visiting nurse program BUT until I found the paperwork late winter/early spring, I had NO EARTHLY idea that I was in hospice. I ended up treating in Goodyear AZ, (I HATE AZ), @ CTCA because the treatment plan that the Cancer Center @ UCD had formulated would have killed me because I was debilitated. They wanted to start me on a HEAVY duty Chemo, which I would have taken 5 days a week @7 am, followed by heavy radiation @1pm.... I was so shocked but I giggled when I realised what I was looking at when I pulled out the hospice paperwork pamphlet. i don't know why we, (Bae &me), were in the dark but so help me by all that exists, I had NO idea I was enrolled into Hospice.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)steve2470
(37,457 posts)take care of yourself during your grief
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,699 posts)Yes, death comes for all of us, but when it's this sudden thing, it's so much harder to comprehend, never mind accept.
I hope you can stay in touch via Facebook in the meantime. I think that will help both of you.
We have a Bereavement Group here, and reading there might help you. Here's the link: https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
May he pass gently and without pain or trouble.
Please take care of yourself too.
HipChick
(25,485 posts)left a 9yr daughter....my brother raised her alone...she just turned 18...It's hard to come to terms with that person not being there...even 9yrs later..
sueh
(1,826 posts)Lyricalinklines
(367 posts)Binkie The Clown
(7,911 posts)It breaks my heart every time I hear of another cancer diagnosis.
DRoseDARs
(6,810 posts)Fuck cancer.
mchill
(1,018 posts)DRoseDARs
(6,810 posts)mchill
(1,018 posts)They don't call them "vital" organs for no reason. Sorry about your friend.
snacker
(3,619 posts)Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)Docreed2003
(16,875 posts)My thoughts are with you and your friend....
orangecrush
(19,617 posts)Just lot a Vietnam vet friend to cancer days ago.
benld74
(9,909 posts)emmadoggy
(2,142 posts)and for you. Cancer sucks!! I can't imagine how hard it would be to get that news.
My mom has been undergoing treatment for a very rare, high grade sarcoma since the end of March. Just had the surgery on Friday. The past week has been enormously stressful and exhausting, and we still have a LONG way to go. Worry is the status quo these days...
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)I sat there in the doctor's office decades ago with my dad when he "got the news."
It's been in freeze-frame in my memory ever since. He had multiple myeloma. It doesn't manifest itself like some of the more treatable cancers. It's a bullet. When you get THAT diagnosis, your option is basically to start saying your goodbyes.
Prayers and my thoughts to you and your mom.
emmadoggy
(2,142 posts)So sorry about your dad.
herding cats
(19,567 posts)My heart hurts for you, and for all who knows and cares about him.
I been through losing a friend to cancer. Having been up close and watched the process intimately three times now, by the point your friend is at, being released from the burden of the disease is almost welcome for those enduring the process.
Cancer stole my grandfather as a child in the 1980's, my father (step dad who raised me) in 2013, and my best friend of 30+ years this past January. They all died too young.
They all had different forms of cancer, but I still hate the very mention of the word. Fuck you cancer!
GallopingGhost
(2,404 posts)Lost my mom to cancer.
It is a very cruel and sucky disease I hope they eradicate sometime in the near future.
kairos12
(12,872 posts)Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)"Thank you all so much, you all had such warm wishes, I can not thank you all enough, I will miss you all through eternity"
So he has the support system. He is definitely surrounded by friends, including physically by his side and long distance via the internet. As I mentioned above, he lost his voice, so two-way phone conversations are not an option. As long as he is physically and mentally able to keep a presence on Facebook, we'll all be there for him.
panader0
(25,816 posts)I lost two friends to it in the past month.
hamsterjill
(15,224 posts)It's hard to watch those we care about suffer. I know that he will benefit from your friendship at this time in his life. Be there for him when you can, and let him tell you what he needs.
Yes, cancer still sucks...
Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)When I reached out to him last night I said I was sorry and lacked the words, and that I was there for him.
In my experience, more often than not, that's all people want and need...to know that you are there for them.
There's a time for speeches and words of encouragement. This was not that time, and if that does become what he needs, he will make it known.
niyad
(113,552 posts)praying for a gentle passing for your friend.
FUCK CANCER.
DFW
(54,436 posts)My wife has already had it twice, and her brother died of it at age 51. My parents both had it, and so did all of their siblings. One cousin already died of it at age 41.
So, with me, it's not a question of "if," but "when." I'm in no rush. I could get the news tomorrow or in twenty years.
I wish your friend could get a miraculous reprieve, but he appears to know that it's not in the cards. I wish him a brave and gentle passing.
Beaverhausen
(24,472 posts)The most aggressive kind. She has fought for 3 years and is beating the odds, but all too soon she will lose her fight.
I'm so sorry about your friend.
Cancer most certainly sucks.
Loryn
(945 posts)I lost my sister in March. Nothing prepares you, and the world will never be the same.
Fuck cancer.
left-of-center2012
(34,195 posts)One brother died of a brain tumor, and one from lung cancer.
I now have two brothers with prostate cancer.
I'm sorry about your friend.
I'm 71 and have lost close friends over the years to a variety of reasons.
I have their memories.
central scrutinizer
(11,661 posts)I am so thankful for the ACA. Her death couldn't be averted but bankruptcy and homelessness were. Hospice was the best alternative for us. She died at home with her dignity and autonomy intact and her family and friends surrounding her.
If pain is an issue for your friend, have him check out methadone. It made a huge difference in my wife's lucidity and quality of life until she needed morphine at the end. Oxycodone and fentanyl were useless and made her unable to do anything.
Stuart G
(38,445 posts)Kali
(55,019 posts)I'm sorry.
Upthevibe
(8,071 posts)chillfactor
(7,584 posts)but my thoughts and prayers are with your friend and his family....God bless them all!
a kennedy
(29,706 posts)Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)I want to thank DU for all of the kind words and shared experiences.
Jimmy wouldn't have liked hospice care. He had prepared himself for it and was ready to play whatever cards he was dealt, but as Bernie Leadon once wrote, "My man's got it made, he's far beyond the pain...and we who must remain go on living just the same."
R.I.P., bro.
irisblue
(33,023 posts)Miles Archer
(18,837 posts)He faced the end with courage and dignity. I'm proud of him.