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mac56

(17,569 posts)
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 01:39 PM Jul 2017

Okay, this is the funniest joke I've read in years.

Once upon a time there was a young monk named Sam. He belonged to an order that was renowned for beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song echoed down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

The order spoked regularly about an octave of rumored Magical Notes. Musicians had only theorized that these notes must exist, yet no one had ever reached one.

But Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And they all realized, instantly, that Sam was the first person in history to hit one of the Magical Notes.

On Sam's 20th birthday it happened again. This time no one in the town moved, spoke, or even blinked for several minutes after. As the golden sound finally tapered off and ceased, they knew that Sam had found the Second Note.

The next year on Sam's 21st birthday, a pattern had emerged. This time all the townspeople were present, listening in awe as Sam hit the glorious Third Note. Words could not do justice to the experience. People cried out in pure joy as the sound grew to a glorious crescendo.

And on it went for the next few years, the Magical Notes growing sweeter and sweeter, year after year... that is until Sam's 25th birthday. At first all seemed normal until Sam hit the next Magical Note. But this new sound was not beautiful; it was jarring and discordant. Sam was visibly uncomfortable, but doubled his resolve to get to the sweet part of the next Magical Note.

Suddenly, to the horror of all, Sam spontaneously combusted! The two closest monks on stage were burned by the flames coming off of his body, and he ignited the stage curtains. Soon the entire monastery was aflame. By a miracle everyone made it out, except for poor Sam.

The townsfolk were left staring at the burning monastery in sad, stunned disbelief. The mayor approached the lead monk. “What happened?” he asked.

The old monk shook his head sadly. “Isn't it obvious?” he said.

“Sam sung Note 7.”

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Okay, this is the funniest joke I've read in years. (Original Post) mac56 Jul 2017 OP
Ok, I looove this!! Too funny. SummerSnow Jul 2017 #1
I actually LOLed Coventina Jul 2017 #2
***Groan*** Arkansas Granny Jul 2017 #3
Oh My! or is it O Mi ? benld74 Jul 2017 #4
What do bipolar burning monks and Samsung have in common? Goonch Jul 2017 #5
LOL...deft add. Iggo Jul 2017 #6
Too funny!!! hwmnbn Jul 2017 #7
I want those minutes back underpants Jul 2017 #8
agreed left-of-center2012 Jul 2017 #19
Hey Melania- Do you bleach your asshole? WhoIsNumberNone Jul 2017 #9
An instance when the journey is better than the destination! Roland99 Jul 2017 #10
Lawyer joke - modified Fritz Walter Jul 2017 #11
Now, THAT'S funny. 😂 Duppers Jul 2017 #13
That was a good one! GetRidOfThem Jul 2017 #12
That is actually a poem, by Ogden Nash. Staph Jul 2017 #20
Wow, I had no idea! GetRidOfThem Jul 2017 #25
A miracle please!! Give me that time back.. vkkv Jul 2017 #14
Three Republicans tecelote Jul 2017 #15
Groan... Ron Obvious Jul 2017 #16
That's one long shaggy dog pokerfan Jul 2017 #17
Ok. That one Control-Z Jul 2017 #21
Meanwhile, we've got RandomAccess Jul 2017 #24
Those are great pokerfan Jul 2017 #27
Ban this guy, please? Blue_Tires Jul 2017 #18
Republican Trump groupie Permanut Jul 2017 #22
Oh. My. Gawd. raven mad Jul 2017 #23
A new shaggy dog story! Thank you uppityperson Jul 2017 #26

Fritz Walter

(4,291 posts)
11. Lawyer joke - modified
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:08 PM
Jul 2017

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using Republicans instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the current Administration was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a Republican.

2. After defunding Planned Parenthood and outlawing abortions, Republicans breed faster and are in much greater supply.

3. Republicans are much cheaper to care for, and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.

4. There are some things even a rat won't do.

Duppers

(28,125 posts)
13. Now, THAT'S funny. 😂
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:26 PM
Jul 2017

Unfortunately, like underpants, I want my time back from reading the OP. I wasn't even amused (and yes, I got it).

GetRidOfThem

(869 posts)
12. That was a good one!
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:19 PM
Jul 2017

OK, I am willing to share one that I heard at a retirement home outside Boston. This is from a totally local, older physical therapist working with highly aged people, and in a deep Boston accent. It just does not leave my head! Here it goes:

"Lemme tell you a religious joke. OK?

There is the one "L" Lama. That is the religious guy from Tibet. OK?

Then there is the two "L" Lama. That is that animal from the mountains of Peru. OK?

And then there is the three "L" Lama. That is that fire in little Italy!"

Staph

(6,251 posts)
20. That is actually a poem, by Ogden Nash.
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 07:32 PM
Jul 2017

"The one-L lama, he's a priest.
The two-L llama, he's a beast.
And I will bet a silk pajama:
there isn't any three-L lllama!".

Nash later appended the footnote " *The author's attention has been called to a type of conflagration known as a three-alarmer. Pooh."


 

vkkv

(3,384 posts)
14. A miracle please!! Give me that time back..
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:30 PM
Jul 2017

A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "five beers, please".

See? This is a high-efficient joke... short, funny, some intellect is required..

tecelote

(5,122 posts)
15. Three Republicans
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:40 PM
Jul 2017

Three Republicans wanted to have a drink so they walked in to a bar.

Boy, did that hurt.

 

Ron Obvious

(6,261 posts)
16. Groan...
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 04:52 PM
Jul 2017

I admit I didn't see it coming.

This is an exceptionally lame joke I read in David Sedaris' new book, which nevertheless gives me the giggles every time I think about it:

Aliens land on Earth, wishing to study humans. They capture two of them, a German and an Austrian. When they sedate the German and open up his skull they are amazed by all the complicated wires, chips, circuitry, and blinking lights. They can't figure it out and close him up again.

When they open up the Austrian, they find a single, fine wire from one end of his skull to the other. Puzzled, they decide to snip the wire to see what would happen, and his ears fall off.

pokerfan

(27,677 posts)
17. That's one long shaggy dog
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 06:20 PM
Jul 2017


Reminds me of this groaner.....

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him.....













(wait for it)
















A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Permanut

(5,610 posts)
22. Republican Trump groupie
Mon Jul 17, 2017, 09:27 PM
Jul 2017

From deep in Trumpland gets pulled over on the highway by the local police. Policeman walks up to the driver's side window, leans down and asks the driver "You got any ID?" Driver responds "About what?"

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