Labour yesterday held a piss-up just round the corner from a brewery after failing to organise the event inside the brewery itself. It was declared a moderate success by all involved.

“I think we’ve learnt a great deal from last night’s piss-up,” said leader Jeremy Corbyn. “I think it’s fair to say that one of my goals as leader will be return Labour to a state where it could conceivably organise it’s piss-ups in actual breweries, but it’s early days. We’re learning.”

“Yes, originally I had planned to hold the piss-up in the brewery,” said Mr McDonnell. “And I think that it’s important to make clear that I definitely could have organised it if I wanted to, but I made a tactical decision to hold the piss-up nearby instead.”

The failure to organise the piss-up in the brewery will come as a blow to a Labour leadership who only last week proved able to correctly distinguish between their arse and a hole in the ground.