Theresa May keeps waking up to find Parliament is forcing her to make the same Brexit offer every day.

So far Theresa has tried thousands of different ways to break the loop, including standing parliament in front of an oncoming train, trying to kill Boris Johnson and David Davis’ careers, and loading her and Jeremy Corbyn into the same vehicle and driving them off a cliff.

However, when she wakes up, she finds exactly the same story about deadlock on the Today Programme all over again.

“She’s going to have to keep doing this until she gets the perfect Brexit or forever, whichever comes first,” we were told.