My picks: The Top 10 Stupid Criminals Of The Year

Last edited Sat Dec 21, 2013, 04:31 PM - Edit history (1)

If there's one thing I love it's stupid criminal stories and there were no shortage of them in 2013. Starting with:

10. Two Swedish Thieves Steal $1300 Worth Of Ice Cream, Surprised To Find It Melted

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11035330

Our first stupid criminal story of the year takes us to Stockholm Sweden, proving that the dumb crime happens all over the world. What happens when you steal Ben & Jerry's and leave it out in the sun for a few hours? I wonder...

9. Man Steals Truck To Be On Time For Court Hearing Regarding Previous Car Jacking:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11036474

Car jacking + stupidity + court hearing does not equate a good combination. That's what this criminal did in Redding, California. It's a colossal Grand Theft FAIL.

8. Sword Wielding San Antonio Restaurant Robber Demands Free Tacos Or Death

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11036411

While "Free Tacos Or Death" would make an awesome band name, let's not forget that bringing a live samurai sword into a restaurant and demanding free food will not always end well.

7. Burger King Manager Steals From Restaurant To Teach Other Employees Lesson About Stealing

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11035537

Cue Arrested Development's one armed subordinate of George Bluth, J. Walter Weatherman - "And that's why... you don't steal!". Perhaps this restaurant owner could take a lesson from the one armed man.

6. Drunk British Man Caught On Tape Attempting To Have Sex With Land Rover

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11035574

We go across the pond to Springsfield, Hollywell, England for this one. A man was seen after hours loaded attempting to have sex with a parked Land Rover LR2. And that isn't all of the story either!

5. Miami Man's Instagram Account Gets Him Charged With 142 Felonies

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11036410

Back in the states, here's the first time Florida shows up on the list! OK word to would-be dumb criminals out there - don't mix your idiocy with social media. There's nothing good that will ever come out of it. OK?

4. Teenage Crooks Take Incriminating Selfies Before Robbery

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11035146

As if we need further proof that dumb crime and social media don't mix well - we go back to Scandinavia for this gem of a story involving teenage crooks, some petty theft, and well, pure idiocy.

3. Oregon Man Attempts Robbery Of Gun Store With Baseball Bat

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11034998

The second time the West Coast makes an appearance on this list! We go to the Pacific Northwest and Oregon where we learn that if you're going to attempt to rob a gun store, use a gun people! It only makes sense!

2. Man Tells Judge He Thought You Could Only Be Arrested For Night Crimes

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11034739

We go to Cleveland, Ohio for this one. Perhaps one of the dumbest criminals this year, or any year, he thought he could get away with day time crime. To quote the movie Super Troopers "Oh I'll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbert."

And the number one stupid crime of 2013 is........................


1. Soldier Films Wife Having Sex With Dog For Distribution On Internet

http://www.democraticunderground.com/11035653

We go to North Carolina for this one. I really don't have anything to add to this story except for three words: what. the. fuck.

That's it for dumb criminals for 2013! Hopefully 2014 will see no shortage of dumb crime!