This is the email I want to send to my former employer

but haven't had the balls to. Perhaps I should. I would like some opinions.
Hello sir,
I just wanted to give you a little update on how my life is going since I parted on such great terms from your business. I wanted to thank you kindly for all of the great things that have happened since.
Yes, I do have a job, but to what gain? Thankfully, I could pay my rent one more month. But what good is that without electricity, gas, or a phone? Because those will all be shut off this week. I have a whole $50 to my name to live on until August 8th. Believe it or not, unemployment does not pay that well. According to them, with a Masters degree which no one that works at your fine establishment has, is only worth $10 an hour. Awesome. Glad I spent $50,000 to get that worthless piece of paper. I do hope that you are doing well with your privileged life that has been handed to you. I am so glad that you have never had to face the choice of not eating or getting to work. I sincerely hope that the next time you pass over a bridge that I will not be there. Not that you would stop and give that person help anyway.
Thanks for that $2000, that obviously went a really long ways, that was so generous of you. Please give my regards to everyone there that sold me out. Especially your Executive Manager that you hired after telling me that I was in charge of your business. I could have done wonders for your company if it had not been for her feeling threatened by a 30 year old who may have had better ideas than her. Oh, and also give regards to the person I got a job for that threw me under the bus so she could have my job. Too bad for her you did away with my position which I proclaimed to you as a crap position in the first place upon my suggestion when exiting your establishment. That was the one time you ever listened to me. Or your pocket book because that save you a boatload of money. All she got was more work for the same pay, for which I do feel somewhat vindicated.
And I do know that you are concerned with my partner for whom you had so much regard. She is still unemployed thanks to you because we cannot get her car in working order due to financial hardships. She feels just great about herself, and you for that matter. Thanks for being afraid of two people loving each because they are the same gender. How kind and forward thinking of you.
But lastly, thanks for the self esteem with which I have struggled over for the past few months. I know in the back of my mind that I am and will always be better than that position and your company. Yet, not being able to pay my bills has made me feel quite the opposite. Funny how that works. I would love to see your response, but considering I won't have internet until I am actually able to pay my electric bill, would hinder this. Of course, that would also mean you would have to care to even form a response in the first place, which I know you do not. Thank you, kind Republican who thinks he earned his right to live in this country when I did not, because, of course, you are better than me. I will take my place in the ranks of the poor and not worthy of kindness or respect.
Sincerely,
You former employee