I'm not asexual, haven't had sex in years, but who am I to question or judge anyone else for what they do, want to do, or don't even think about in bed. Sexual acts are only a tiny portion of anyone's life, no matter how much they brag.

I would imagine that you, like me, have faced "helpful" questions from family, etc, like, "When you gonna get married," etc. My answer, if I wasn't keeping my mouth shut to protect/keep away from the subject with my 80-something parents, would be: "Cause it's not fucking legal here!"

Sex is overrated, IMO; what matters is having companionship, someone to partner with in whatever manner you like, to share hopes and dreams and experiences and joy and pain with. I hope you have someone(s) like that, of whatever sex. Sure as hell wish I did.

you understand it,me too I wish for someone to share hopes dreams joy and pain someone to share the journey with.but there is no one like that where I am.I am a very unusual combination of things.

You should apologize to him.

I had to use stuff as i couldnt think of an english word to say what inwas trying hope you get the gkst.

I recently attended an "Ace" workshop at a Queer/Gender Studies conference, and my impression is that asexuality is something akin to sexual orientation (or the lack thereof, according to this Wiki page, although most of the asexuals I've met either identified gay/straight/bi/pan or nonsexually dated members of a particular sex or sexes (or even dated sexually but mainly for their partners' benefit)), whereas "celibacy" might be a choice (unless it's the involuntary kind) regardless of orientation-or-whatever-you'd-call-it. I learned that there's tremendous diversity within the asexual spectrum (such as "stone" (butch/femme) meaning you're open to performing sexual acts but not necessarily being the recipient, or vice versa; "Gray-A" if you either experience sexual attraction in limited circumstances, or perhaps feel attraction but not necessarily the urge to act upon it, or "aromantic" which seems to cut across the entire Venn diagram), although the vast majority identified as "sex-positive asexuals" (per the aforelinked wiki: "it is possible for an asexual to be repulsed by sex on a personal level while being sex-positive towards humanity as a whole&quot , so while there's certainly choices involved as far as relating to the wider world, "asexuality" in the broadest sense seems more like a state of being than a state of doing, like most (all?) sexuality.

As this is the LGBT forum, I'd imagine I'd get my ass handed to me in a New York second if I suggested that being gay was a choice, rather than being something one is born with.

Same with asexuality. I knew my sexuality was different since I was a teenager - it's just that with me, I happen to have very little sexual attraction (I'd describe myself as being somewhere in the grey-A spectrum).

Celibacy is a choice. Asexuality is an orientation you're born with.

For asexuals, the biggest problem is invisibility. Most people have never heard of asexuality, or have grossly wrong ideas about it. Here, in the LGBT forum of a progressive website, I was told to take a pill to get cured of my asexuality.

Some learning is in order here.

hope you get that and realise i wasnt putting you down or anything as i said just my choice of words was lacking.

but it's been so long now that I don't even think about it anymore. Speaking as a gay man, I get hit on by heterosexual women every now and then so I just tell them I'm dating someone. When a gay guy hits on me I tell him the same thing. I guess I'm of a mind that when the right one comes along I'll know, however at my age it looks like the "right one" just isn't out there.

When you least expect it.

Gay and straight.

I'm thinking it's a load of BS.

who was totally asexual. I remember that back then (1980-85 or so) I really had a hard time understanding it. While I spent much of that decade abstinent, it wasn't by choice-I just lived in boondocks Mississippi-as a gay man I really didn't have much choice.

Glad you feel comfortable enough to say how you feel. Over the years I've found this group to be the one place I could unwind and talk about really personal things ranging from HIV to crushes on straight men to my love for my partner. Sorry you've gotten some crappy feedback from your thread. Guess its not as welcoming as it used to be.

Peace

I'm not asexual, but sex is about #27 on my list of things I care about and I totally support you and all people in expression of their sexuality or non-sexuality. To me it seems like most of the world is hyper-focused on sex all the time and it just is really boring for me to hear about sex-sex-sex-sex-sex, when I am like "yeah, so what?" I mean, I like it OK when I have it, but when I don't, I don't miss it a bit and never think about it.

feline/furry

At that time, a member posted to Dan Savage's column either at The Stranger or on Gay.com.

I've used the label myself, which doesn't quite fit. But let's say the volume is turned down so low I barely hear it. I think of it as being a variable independent of orientation.

I'm variable too.But for me sex is among the lowest things on my priority list as fun.Affection well that's a different thing.I love innocent affection..

But I do remember many terms being up to individual interpretation. So "Grey-A" refers to anyone with reduced sexual attraction, but not fully asexual? I do agree that at least some asexuality can be seen as one end of a sexual axis or spectrum on the other extreme of which would be hyper sexual expression (whatever that would be).

However, when I first saw the term "Grey-A" years ago I thought it referred to older people who were no longer sexually active. My bad.

But you have to remember that founder David Jay and the other early members of AVEN had to invent the language as they went along. I'm sure you know by reading the forums how widely diverse the stories are. I just figure the net result is the same. If I haven't had sex in 10 years - not for lack of opportunity or others trying - what's that make me? Oh yeah, "you're just picky", or "you're just shy", "you need to relax more" ... After a while you just want to yell "Fuck Off!!"

I've known about my asexuality for four years now. It's good to know that there are more aces on here than just me. I'm hetero-romantic though and I do like the idea of cuddles and (tongue-less) kisses.
Sucks that you got a "take a pill" comment here on DU though. I guess that ignorant people are everywhere.

I wish you the best! Let's keep spreading awareness, all right?

I am just now learning of this term. I always thought I was just weird. It is good to know that there are other folks out there who are asexual.