Coupled with them choosing to be Trans*. Thus the cosmetic comments and the waiting for their plumbing surgery to use proper pronouns.

question when confronted by examples of people engaging in bigotry. "How does it affect YOU", in other words, why are YOU so upset about it?

How does somebody else's gay marriage affect YOU. How does fairness towards Black people affect YOU. Etc.

And directly to your point, how does not being a jerk and using the name and pronoun someone attributes to themselves affect anyone else negatively? I don't get it.

I don't get the reactions of some people, particularly here.

Fear breeds hate

But I was once told all human interaction can be broken down into power dynamics.

For M->F transexuals maybe its resentment that someone would betray their gender for gender role that society views as being inferior, and people feel like they are undermining the order set up by society. Similarly, maybe F->M transexuals are seen as upstarts trying to take a position of power that society did not give them to begin with. Feelings of jealousy and betrayal being the fuel of their rage in both cases.

Again, I don't know, im just speculating. I don't understand why people hate others over something that does not harm them in anyway.