God Tells Florida Pastor Unborned Babies Will Pay National Debt, So Defund Planned Parenthood

Homeschool Math At Its Finest


God Tells Florida Pastor Unborned Babies Will Pay National Debt, So Defund Planned Parenthood

Friends, Dr. Craig Connor is one unhappy man. He is unhappy that Planned Parenthood is coming for your children and putting little baby parts up for sale on eBayBee. He told his congregation at the First Baptist Church of Panama City, Florida, that he simply cannot abide the fact that his tax dollars are going to fund something obscene and offensive that isn’t a war, so he might stop paying his taxes so that no portion of them will go to Planned Parenthood. Worst of all, he’s just discovered that “we have absolutely no choice in how our money is being spent. Friends, that offends me.” Hey, pastor, now you know what it felt like to be a liberal when the Bush administration was spending a trillion dollars on the Iraq War.

Connor explained that the topic came up recently during one of his regular conversations with the Lord God Almighty:
“And honestly, I was talking to the Lord about this just the other day and I said, ‘Lord, I can’t continue this.’ You know if Planned Parenthood is not defunded, I just may stop paying taxes. I know that I’ll go to jail for it.”
“You want to talk about reducing the national debt?” Conner continued. “We could reduce it overnight if they would defund this evil organization and put it on the national debt. Man, we could get out of debt immediately.”

A source close to Yahweh, the Lord of Hosts, tells Yr Wonkette that the Creator replied, “Dude, you need to study math harder,” then rolled His eyes and made that up-and-down wanking gesture with His hand, that didst form the universe.

RawStory duly notes that Pastor Connor gave short shrift to the accounting details, and “did not explain how reducing Planned Parenthood’s annual $540 million in federal funding would cover the over $18 trillion of total outstanding public debt.” It could be one of those loaves and fishes things.

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