Women's Rights & Issues
Related: About this forumTrump did to Merkel what men do to women all the time
Trump did to Merkel what men do to women all the time
Men constantly ignore women but most of the time no one notices it. Except, that is, when it happens on the world stage
A few years ago, my husband and I ran into a mutual acquaintance at a restaurant. This young man a person who would surely identify as progressive spent the entirety our interaction completely ignoring me. He spoke only to my husband; he wouldnt even look at me when I asked a direct question. While it would be tempting to write off the exchange as simple rudeness, this brand of slight is familiar to most women. Perhaps it happens when you go to buy a car and the salesperson only speaks to your male partner. Or when you meet someone at a work event and they only introduce themselves to the male colleague beside you. Or, if youre Angela Merkel, maybe the notoriously misogynist president of the United States refuses to shake your hand or even deign to look at you during a press conference. We hear quite a lot about explicit sexism like cat calls or discrimination, but less overt indignities can be just as infuriating in part, because theyre so hard to explain to those who havent experienced them.
Aziz Ansaris hit Netflix show, Master of None, had a brilliant episode dedicated to just this topic. Ansaris character, Dev, spends the majority of the episode realizing how much sexism women have to deal with: from men following women home and flashing them on subways, to lewd comments on social media. But when Devs girlfriend, Rachel, points out that his director only introduced himself to the men at the table ignoring the two women sitting there he balks slightly. Surely, he says, there was some misunderstanding: The director was in a rush, or Rachel is reading too much into it.
When Dev finally admits that perhaps the interaction was gendered, Rachel explains why what happened was so painful: There are lot of subtle little things that happen to me and all women, even in our little progressive world. And when somebody, especially my boyfriend, tells me Im wrong without having any way of knowing my personal experience, its insulting.
When I tweeted about Trump ignoring Merkel, and how familiar an experience it is to women, dozens chimed in. One said both she and her husband were journalists but men will generally only ask him about his work. Another noted that the bosses on her team are all women, but its the teenage male intern who gets the questions.The assumption, of course, is that the women in the room simply arent important enough to warrant attention or conversation. Its a phenomenon Ive noticed increases as women get older, and ever more invisible.
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https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/mar/21/trump-did-to-merkel-what-men-do-to-women-all-the-time
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(52,317 posts)the e.r. included male and female nurses, male and female physician's assistants, and male and female doctors.
the attending was female.
other than carrying a stethoscope (no hospital uniform -- civvies), all signs should have pointed to me not belonging there. i was clueless as to the usual routine or procedures, down to where i was even supposed to stand.
yet patients and their families kept asking me questions as if i was in charge and had all the answers, and calling me "doctor". it happened at least half a dozen times during my 10 hours. often right after someone, often female, who *clearly* was in charged said something very medical and authoritative.
really? a random male in street clothes with a puzzled look on his face is treated as a doctor while a clearly confident and knowledgeable female in hospital uniform with "dr. ____" stitched on it is ignored?
niyad
(113,552 posts)Croney
(4,670 posts)I stand in a take-out order line and when I'm next, the clerk asks the guy behind me. "What can I get for you?" I say, "What about me, am I invisible? I'm next!" Clerk stammers, "Oh, I thought you were with, ah, those other people."
Happens a lot. Just because I'm old and often dress like a bag lady doesn't mean you can make assumptions about whether I'm real or you're imagining me. 😱
niyad
(113,552 posts)I love the red hatters. DAMNED if you can ignore us!!
LakeArenal
(28,845 posts)We go to all the time. We know the servers names. We always have the same drink order, coffee (him) and a diet pepsi (me)...
Every time we go, she says... Coffee for you... to him and What can I get you ... for me... sigh...
niyad
(113,552 posts)LakeArenal
(28,845 posts)My husband "sees" what so many other men do not see.. He gets it.. Last time we went he said,"yes, coffee for me and her usual diet pepsi..." That usual to point out... she always gets that...