I see too many kids whose parents bring them into the clinic because of "bad behavior," etc... who, once we work with the family to create structure, normal bed times, improved eating habits, and, quite often, increased physical activity, well, everything smooths out. I'm not sure what has changed to create so many clueless parents.

"Well, he gets almost eight hours of sleep? Shouldn't that be plenty?"

I want to reply, "Ummm. He's six! He has bags under his eyes! He's ready to fall asleep now. No, that's not plenty." But, of course, I go the soft, constructive route.

Both so they understand their role and and our role, and so they know what to do when their time comes. One of my pet peeves. We pass our parenting disfunction down from generation to generation because we think we have to bullshit our kids about "the real world." And we project all our our own emotional crap onto them.

(Disclosure: I have four, spread between 1965 and 1987, and I am not proud of the job I did in many ways, though they all seem to think I'm OK, if a bit flawed.)

But I know just what you mean. Enough sleep, good food, low stress, plenty of exercise, and things might start to improve. I've been known to act out myself under the wrong conditions. I don't know where people get the idea pressuring people is the way to make them perform intellectually, it does the opposite.

Not the eight that we adults can get by with.

But here's my take: Most adults don't go to bed at exactly the same time every night.

When my oldest was about a year old, we were at a party and someone came up to my husband and snarked, "So have you had a decent night's sleep since the kid was born?" And then I remembered what I'd forgotten in the entire trauma of childbirth and new motherhood. My husband didn't sleep through the night. And he was almost 30. His parents, already in their 70's (he was a late-in-life baby) did not sleep through the night. It was a family joke that a traffic light was needed in the bedroom hallway of their home because they were up and roaming in the middle of the night.

So if husband, after almost thirty years, and grandparents after more than 70 years, didn't sleep through the night, how could I possibly expect this little human after only one year to sleep through the night?

Around that time I also realized that for this child night time was simply a series of naps. I stopped stressing about sleeping through the night, and to this day I could not begin to tell you when he starting sleeping through the night. I can tell you that when he was about two and a half, my husband rigged up a light with a timer for his room, showed him how he could turn it on in the middle of the night if he woke up, and play with his toys but not bother mommy and daddy. After that, he never came to us in the middle of the night and eventually I'm sure he slept all the way through.

I think perhaps the more important thing is to tune into the individual child's needs, and most importantly make sure they actually get plenty of sleep, which is really the hard part.

Personally, I'm convinced that my excellent health and youthful appearance is in large part because I generally get plenty of sleep.

... which includes an actual, regular bed time.

Adults tend to have a little more impulse control. It doesn't mean that a regular schedule isn't beneficial.

within a reasonable structure is what I found worked best. Rigid schedules just didn't work for us.

The research seems to show that most people do better with structure.

A product of the industrial revolution. One of nicest things about being retired is I sleep when I want, and get up when I want, like now.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you're happier, healthier, and more rested than ever before.

Personally I have always placed a high value on getting enough sleep. Even though I understand that everyone's situation is different, getting plenty of sleep should be a priority for just about everyone. Over and over research shows that on average we need more sleep that we think we do.

And it's not healthy if they pretend they are all the time, no matter how well it pays.

Human ancestors would sleep on a VERY regular schedule.

When the sun goes down, you sleep. When it comes up, you wake up.

Only with the invention of artificial light sources have we moved significantly away from that ancient pattern.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16964783

Rethinking Sleep
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/23/opinion/sunday/rethinking-sleep.html?_r=0

But the way I heard it first was that some guy got upset about all those peasants loafing around and screwing their brains out in the Winter back in the beginning of the industrial age, so he invented the notion of working all year long and putting sleep all at night.

Including a regular bedtime, regular meals, tv viewing times, etc.

They can't do it for themselves; the parents need to do it for them. It doesn't have to be rigid, just predictable.

Not only are kids healthier, but they feel safer. It's scary for them to feel that anything goes, that there are no boundaries and anything could happen at any time. That is another reason why kids behave better when they have a sleep/eat schedule that they can generally count on.

I think parents slack off on this simply because it makes life easier when you don't have to struggle with your child over maintaining the schedule, like getting her to bed on time.

Rigidity, not so good. As you said.

We actually gave our oldest a fair amount of freedom about going to bed. Not that he totally decided when to go, but had flexibility. One time when he was about three, a friend was visiting, and it was around 8pm, around the time when we generally did put him to bed. He came toddling up to us and said, "Please, can I go to bed now?" We genially said, of course, and he put himself to bed.

The friend was amazed, but in this case the lack of a rigid bedtime worked for us, and he wasn't a kid who tried to stay awake forever. With his brother we had to be a bit firmer.

But yeah, structure is nice.

When my son was about 16, he went to a party. He didn't go out often so we were not in the habit of stating a curfew time. Around mid-evening, he called from the party, asking if he had to be home soon. Taking a cue from him, we said yes, and home he came.

Who knows what was going on at the party, but for him, on that night, rules made him feel safe.