Irrational thoughts
• Is this going to kill me? A: I believe the answer is yes.
• Okay, when? Soon? A: I don't know.
• Well, do you get to live a few years? A: I don't know.
• Can you get a more specific date for planning purposes? A: My oncologist refuses to give an expiration date.
• Doesn't that mess with your head? A: In theory yes, but without cancer I felt I'd live to late 70s or 80s anyway, although in reality I could die on the Interstate or in the local rotary, or hit by a meteorite, whatever, but those are all maybes whereas I know the cancer is a definite taker-down, just don't know when.
• Are you special? A: Apparently not.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I went through this when my Dad was Dx with cancer. What is easier - getting the knock on the door/phone call telling us that there has been an accident, or having a doctor tell us "he has a year".
In his case, I definitely appreciated the heads up. He had an untreatable cancer and indeed lived 1 year and 10 days from his Dx. We had that time with him, and were able to plan to his wishes.
When it is your own Dx, its different.
Not sure how I feel on that whole "knowing" (or "this will likely kill me, but when"
thing - but I completely get what you posted. Its a Catch-22 without any answers.
irrational about those thoughts.
