I know it's hard to come up with anything to say when one finds out a friend or loved one has cancer, but some people speak before they think. Carol had been getting mammograms yearly before her diagnosis in 2002, but had quit because every time she had one, they would always call her back in because she had fibrocystic breast disease and they thought there might be something hiding behind the lumps. Everytime, for years, so she stopped having mammograms annually.

Since she had a double radical mastectomy in 2002, she had no breasts to mammogram, but recurred with stage four breast cancer nine years later.

I am planning to try to go to a Relay for Life this spring/summer. I will be lighting a luminari for Carol and one for everyone here fighting. It is a beautiful ceremony and I do ok until they bring the kids out. I them become a sobbing basket case. You are such an inspiration to us all.

Last edited Wed Mar 7, 2012, 12:05 PM - Edit history (1)

You are an inspiration to me. Your comments mean so much.

Our struggle with breast cancer-related issues started with me in 2000. "This is a cardinal sign for breast cancer!" my GP shouted when I told him I had been bleeding from one breast. A highly recommended doctor did a biopsy that put me in the hospital for four days with a staph infection. Worse still, even though the biopsy showed me as clear, she didn't pursue the source of the bleeding, despite the fact that the radiologist urged me to talk to her about it (and I did).

I transferred to another wonderful doctor. She immediately fixed the bleeding and had a plastic surgeon reconstruct my breast, which had been ripped open due to the infection and had healed without sutures.

From then on, like Carol, I was on the "high alert" list, which resulted in fairly frequent biopsies for a while. I am deeply grateful for the follow-up. The process is emotionally and physically draining, however. My cancer center is quite posh, and they provide a very supportive physical environment for their patients. It's still difficult to sit in a roomful of tense women who know they might get grave news at any minute. It's also tough to know that you might be the next person to draw the roulette bullet. Fibrocystic disease runs in my mother's family, so I guess it is my lot in life. It was wonderful news, however, when I was put on a once-a-year mammogram schedule.

Betty spoiled and supported me through all of this. I cannot be too emphatic in stressing how strong she is. We noticed some things last year -- she got greenish circles around her eyes, her breath was sour and she was tired -- but we attributed them to an especially demanding time at work. As I said, her physical exam was fine and her bloodwork didn't trigger any alerts. I was so shocked when I saw her X-rays. They were far different from mine and I knew right away we were in a life-changing situation.

I am still amazed at how much pain people can cause because they don't think. My breast cancer didn't show up in a mammogram. I has had the biospy and knew I had cancer when I got the you don't have breast cancer letter from my mammogram. I was told a sonogram probaly not have picked it up either. My right breast was all tumor and I also had never missed a mammogram.

People need to understand the person fighting the cancer and those who love her/him are doing what they can to beat it and to also get through one day at a time. I couldn't have worked although I wanted to. My cousin missed very little work. Everyone is different and people forget the patient and their loved ones know what is best for them.

The worst thing I was ever told I was lucky that it was only breast cancer and it was my MIL that told me that. It cut through my heart like a knife and our relationship has never been the same. There is no "only" cancer. All cancer is terrible and it is always in the back of your mind. The five year survivor rate is only a number as is the stage. A number cannot define who we are. Our fight defines us.

I have been in bad shape for quite a while. I am starting to feel like a humman again and am starting to practice Reiki again. When I am a little stronger I will email you. I am investigating the long distance with crystals. I am past the dubious stage now and am starting to think it's a good thing.

Keep strong. You may not know it yet but you are turning into a great teacher yourself. You stay strong and we will be here.

I'm so happy you are feeling better. And thank you for your spot-on comments. You are so good at support. You always know the right thing to say. I believe you are helping many people, and probably do good for individuals who may never post.

It is very true that how people react to the news defines them in your eyes for probably the rest of your life. At least it did for me. There are a couple of people who stepped right up to the plate and have been consistently wise and kind. I would do almost anything for them. While I'm not at the point of cutting anybody off, I could well get there with one or two people.

One woman blurted out the: "Why didn't you get her a mammogram." Then she realized the impact of her words. She has been doing everything possible since then to be solid and steady and make me laugh. She has a blunt personality and has annoyed me in the past. Strangely, the statement made me more immune to her occasional lack of diplomacy and easier for me to overlook the inelegant train of words that sometimes come out of her mouth. She is a good person at the core. I can see that.

One of the problems is that we're getting advice from all quarters. We know that people are concerned, but Betty knows her own capabilities quite well. The thing that bothers her the most is all the well-intentioned but unsolicited advice. She is feeling much better now that her ligament tear has healed. She has been a respected workhorse and kind soul at her job and her long-time colleagues are very supportive of her. Where once she would lug water bottle replacements in while the guys would watch, that situation is never happening now nor are they leaving unfinished jobs to lag to her shift.

We wish with all our hearts that there was universal healthcare, though. That would be the single thing that would provide us with more flexibility and greater peace of mind.

Universal health care would cure a world filled with illness and I really hope we see it one day soon.

You and Betty know what is right for Betty and for you too. I know sometimes you think your head will explode so I guess I would say is to smile and take advice you want and ignore the rest. Maybe you can just look at it that both of you are loved and people want to help. I smile when I read your posts. The both of you are very special and you are also teaching many others.

I know they don't know what the fuck to say, but damn it's frustrating to hear that crap.

The best thing anyone has said is, "Damn, you've joined a club that no one wants to join. I'm sorry and please let me know if I can do anything for you". I'm fairly sure her mother's battle with stage 4 breast cancer has nothing to do with it. Actually, that's my gallows humor. I know it has everything to do with it.

My response has become automatic. "Weren't those the famous last words spoken to Nathan Hale?"

love you baby

I will love you forever.

as others could continue to add their own stories.

I thought it was a great idea. I think you could have pinned it also. that super powers tab scares me.

Maybe I will and maybe I won't, for one thing. For another thing, if you say that to me, it feels to me as if you are abruptly relieving yourself of any responsibility to be supportive or to adapt to a new reality; I am forced to adapt to my new reality, but you have declared that you're going to go on your merry way without a care in the world. Thanks a lot.

That just means there is a scheduling/doctor non-communication. He's heading to another doctor but really it's the disjointed way that clinic is run, not the severity of the cancer that determined our month of hell.

My hubby went two years without telling me about his bleeding because he was afraid it might be an STD or an STI or whatever the current abbreviation is. Within a two week period we have had to deal with infidelity and cancer. I would never, ever tell him "you should've........." He didn't know and he's busy beating himself up enough for both of us. I keep telling him he couldn't have known and that it's water under the bridge. And it is. I'm still angry, but not at him. I'm angry that all people ever mention are prostate, lung and colon cancer. I'm angry that hardly any of us ever hear about bladder cancer until it strikes.

When is the last time you heard about bladder cancer? I hadn't and I'm a nurse. Now granted, oncology isn't my field of expertise (it is now, after a marathon education). Bladder cancer is the fourth leading cancer in men. We can talk about the colon but not the bladder? What the fuck is that about?

Public Service Announcement. If you are a man over forty and have bleeding from your urethra. Go to a doctor immediately. If your insurance allows, skip the middle man and go straight to a urologist. if it is a UTI, take your meds and thank your lucky stars.

Thank you for this - excellent!

and when that doctor had left the practice and she was given a new doctor the new doctor was appalled that my mom had not seen a specialist. My mom was unsure that she had the option to see one, she believed it her doctors prerogative and trusted her. We do not know yet but that may have very well cost her her life. My mom is very passive and non confrontational so I know she already feels bad for not pressing the issue but yesterday while we were doing a three way call my older brother won't get off they why didn't they send you to a specialist and how come you didn't ask for one. If I could have strangled him through the phone I would have.