this year gave me a beautiful gift

what a difference 15 years makes in a haircut.

i turned 30 year and gave myself a haircut as a birthday present. my hair was somewhere between the bottom of my shoulder blades and my bra strap, but that was cleaned up with the help of my husband's clippers fitted with a 1/4" guard.

i did the same around this time of year when i was 15. loved it but was beat down by the brutality of public school.

but guess what, i got a second chance to enjoy my haircut. i'm in management and, when i showed up to work the next day, my boss didn't bat an eye. off topic, but i love that my biggest wardrobe decision is whether to wear my hogwarts house banners shirt, my mustachioed domo shirt or my cowboy bebop shirt. my boss's boss is fond of my communist party shirt, featuring karl marx with a lamp shade on his head. and my employees are going to go apeshit over the grover hat i got for christmas.

in fact, a ghost may have well made an appearance tonight. similar haircut, same dress, same attitude. hell, just about the same weight (after a 70 pound spike about five years ago). i wish i could go back and tell that lost little girl how pretty she was.

but now i can exude the i don't give a fuck. i've had help, but i've worked for everything i have. i know i'm smart, i know i am capable. my position was open for about three years and at least four people were passed over before they gave it to me.

i am goofy and geeky, scary little thing with the big attitude, don't give a shit what you think of me. i want to fuck with your perceptions. i don't always believe in me, but i've gotten pretty good at faking it when i don't feel it. when i was 15 a friend of mine told me i was a comic book character, i am finally ready to embrace that. my super powers are cooking and

guess my rambling point is that this is the first year that i've felt like i'm ME and been able to enjoy it. there's still shit that's fucked up, there are still things i have to work on every day, but not only do i feel like i'm ME, but that i can be ME.

this year gave me some freedom.

if you stuck this far, happy new year and love you all