You know what you're talking about.

You. Know.

You also probably know, but don't want to admit or explore, how this affects you. Why you're - still- there.

I suspect you know all about how and why you got involved in this in the first place. You say straight up how/when you met.

WHY? WHY? WHY...

Not him. You. Why did you get involved. Why do you stay involved. You know where it's going.

I know. I sound heartless, but I'm not really. I care about you. He obviously is not going to or willing to consider change... At this time. Maybe some other time. Some other major event. Not anything you say or do or hope or cry or pray for. You know this. You do. As hard as it may be to walk away, you owe it to yourself. You. You matter. You can't make people change. They have to want to change.

You want to give him one more chance, but you have to tell him, doc or door. His response tells you if you're important enough for him to take any responsibility for his own actions. You can't make him well. You can't make it better. You can make yourself crazy and take yourself back into depression, or sublimate or any other coping mechanism your mind has designed over the years.

In the end, it's his mental health. Or yours. If he's not willing to do anything about his, you must attend to yourself. And seriously, am I saying anything you don't already know?

and i've met him and i want him back. but the years of whatever is starting to wear on me and i'm wondering whether i'm working for anything that's attainable.

there is the pride side of me that won't let me walk away from things. there's that human side of me that doesn't want to give up on someone i love. i have asked myself over and over why i keep trying and there are times that none of the answers sit right, but i still have a vested interest in this.

i really did get freudian and marry my whole damn family when i married him, there is a boatload of shit that i decided needed to be worked out all in one go. but i have found strength i never knew i had, i have learned a lot about myself and i have learned a lot about how to deal with other people. as bad as things have gotten, the times have been equally as good.

but we are getting toward the end of the game. i will see this particular part through to the end, and, if things play out the way i think they will, he either addresses the issue or i really have to be done.

whatever happens, though, i have learned lessons that needed learned.

but i know that i would be speaking more about myself than about you.

but i will tell you this- i am a whole lot lighter just dealing with my own issues.
he accused me the other day of not being able to take the good with the bad. i am ready to take the good with the good for a change. i have had enough of his bad. he is not going to change.

(((((:hug )))) honey. not too long. always here.

You must not ever worry about that. We are here for you.

And I think mzteris is right on......

that's the best/only solution I have for you. Whether it 'works' or not, you will at least have done something. That was always my best 'first' response, do SOMETHING.

and what caused what is, at the moment, not important. Get a pro to figure out how to address it all.

mine just tried to drag me into therapy, i will go if you will go. i told him to drop dead. he has to do it for himself. and if he is reinforced in the idea that it is both of you, he has a cozy place to hide.

at mine's prodding 35+ years ago.

I was subject continually to his emotional abuse, and only while suing him (for proceeds of sale of OUR house, which he essentially stole from me) and my attorney said to me, in an AhA moment, 'He's a sociopath,' was I able to release myself from the emotional torture.

situation..love/hate ..... you love and he hates

it's a lot better in both of us now that we don't drink much anymore, but it still rears its head. anger is easy, managing it in an appropriate and healthy way isn't always so.