my cat

My beloved cat died. He was just 12 years old, not really old for a cat.

At 2 years old, he developed a heart murmur. At 7 years old, he developed HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy).

He had been napping more and playing less for the past two months, especially over the last two weeks. His last few hours went fast, but not fast enough to avoid all suffering.

Last Wednesday, after his vet had closed, his back legs were suddenly paralyzed. That is the sign that the end has come near. He slept in my arms that night. We awoke early, around 3:00am. This was to be his last evening and morning.

By 4:00am, he was gasping for air and I could do nothing. His vet didn’t open until 7:00am. I got him there at 6:00am. Her staff was there and they let us in. They started an IV and telephoned the vet to come in. She got there quickly.

She let me be present for the procedure. She seemed to give him something in IV to ease his breathing. He looked comfortable. She very slowly and gently gave him something else in IV. It was a very gentle death. I was with him, surrounded by kind and loving staff.

They gave me a little room and let me hold him for as long as I wanted. They brought him to me in a little blanket like a baby and that’s how I held him, at my shoulder and close to my heart. He was as beautiful and sweet in death as he had been in life.

“As long as I wanted” turned out to be only an hour. That’s when they came for him. I had to leave him there and I left, amidst hugs and kind words.

He will nap on G-d’s lap.

They will give me his ashes.

It truly hurts so much. There are no words.