Seniors

elleng

(131,077 posts) Thu May 16, 2013, 09:03 AM May 2013

Hi, All. Time for a new experience,

and seeking thoughts and maybe some advice.

My husband of 29 years passed on, on Tuesday I think. We've been separated for about 7 years, and 'legally' separated for about 2. The family is fairly widely disbursed, and some here may recall 'problems' among family members as well as a lengthy 'dispute resolution' process between me and my husband. I am now in the position of 'decider in chief' for arrangements, which still have to be coordinated with and signed off on by daughters. (A BIG dispute was 'resolved' last night: Which/where funeral home.) My husband and I were in touch recently, working on family and health matters in a constructive way.

I have no experience in planning funerals, some in planning a wedding, and a lot in planning major railroad mergers, so I may ask folks here for some help. At the moment I'm working on my first cup of coffee of the day (decaf!,) and will probably follow with particular questions.

Family will be coming in to DC area from Ohio and upper NYState and maybe Iowa, and DC area folks will join us in Annapolis at the funeral home managed by a family friend.

He will be cremated, so starting to learn something about that process.

Issues: Should find h/motels to suggest for out-of-towners in/around Annapolis, and decide on schedule of events, like 'viewing/visitation,' and gathering, and memorial service.

Any thoughts and experiences appreciated. FORTUNATELY he was not Jewish so we don't have to rush TOO MUCH, but thinking of Sunday/Monday for events.

Thanks

5 replies

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Hi, All. Time for a new experience, (Original Post) elleng May 2013 OP

Usually the director of the funeral home can assist in making plans sinkingfeeling May 2013 #1

When my mother died last year, the funeral home was a great help... TreasonousBastard May 2013 #2

With family having to travel mainstreetonce May 2013 #3

Make sure you have at least 10 certified copies of his death certificate and carry them Nay May 2013 #4

Funeral director was to get 20 for us. elleng May 2013 #5

sinkingfeeling

(51,471 posts)

1. Usually the director of the funeral home can assist in making plans

Reply to elleng (Original post)

Thu May 16, 2013, 09:25 AM

May 2013

for all of those things.

TreasonousBastard

(43,049 posts)

2. When my mother died last year, the funeral home was a great help...

Reply to elleng (Original post)

Thu May 16, 2013, 09:39 AM

May 2013

in getting me through the mysteries of funerals. They'll know about the best flower people, which hotels have "funeral specials" and other minutiae you have to deal with. If in doubt, ask...

If he was religious, it's your choice whether or not to have a church service in addition to the funeral service, but you don't have to. You don't really have to have a funeral service at all, but most people do have something, if only to get everyone together at one time. Usually, you try to do what the departed would have wanted, and it may even be in the will, if there's a will.

Not everyone can make it to a funeral on short notice, so a memorial service in a couple of months is often planned in addition to or instead of a funeral service.