According to The New York Times the Giants are colluding with the devil. In an article about last Tuesday’s game, sports writer Michael Powell calls the Giant’s defeat of the Nationals a “black magic act” and like something out of The Twilight Zone. The article makes reference to a “Playoff Caldron” which I can only assume is a magic cauldron with a brew made of overpriced beer.

His original article continued the “gee those San Franciscans are whackadoodle” angle by claiming that a drag queen sang the national anthem before the game. False, New York Times! It wasn’t a drag queen it was a female performer. A cis-gendered female wearing a perfectly normal fancy gown and a gigantic wig with a run-of-the mill replica of the San Francisco skyline on top of it. Geez, Michael Powell haven’t you ever seen a woman with a giant cityscape on top of her head, you giant square.

All in all, Powell’s article is a hilarious take on how Bay Area fans, whackadoodle though they may be, are diehard and silly in their fervor for their team. He compares us to our “anxiety-soaked” East Coast brethren who don’t have constantly winning baseball teams. The poor dears.

But Powell is right to make fun of us because all of the East Coast’s sports teams are totally normal. Like the mascot for the Red Sox is a pair of red socks. Wait it’s not? What the crap is that even? A fraggle?