ESPN Hires Ted Cruz as Basketball Analyst for Remainder of NBA Playoffs

BRISTOL, CONN. — Ted Cruz will not be President of the United States, but the failed candidate does have a new job lined up: basketball analyst for ESPN.

When the Texas senator unexpectedly ended his campaign Tuesday night after getting drubbed in Indiana by Donald Trump, the decision was made, in part, because ESPN representatives had contacted Cruz about becoming an analyst a week ago after the candidate spoke at the famed Hoosier Gym in Knightstown, Indiana.

“Even with the playoffs going on, Ted Cruz’s basketball commentary probably got the most coverage of anything in the sport,” said ESPN president John Skipper. “He’s the kind of guy who can move the needle and that’s what we want here at ESPN. We think his insights will fit in well with many of our other analysts.”

ESPN has seen a mass exodus of big-name personalities in recent weeks, from Mike Tirico to Skip Bayless, but network executives believe Cruz is one of the biggest names of 2016 — and they believe he counters the claim that the network is unfriendly to the right wing in the wake of Curt Schilling’s dismissal.

The wildly disliked senator says he is ready to go.

“Americans all across this country know I love the happenings of the basketball ring,” Cruz told reporters after ending his bid for the presidency. “And I’m looking forward to discussing every ball bounce and rim swish from now through the end of the NBA’s bracket madness on your TV boxes and intelliphones.”

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