Humanity Forced To Put Down Aging God (Onion)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/humanity-forced-to-put-down-aging-god,35230/

Feb 10, 2014

?1650
An ailing God Almighty, Our Heavenly Lord and Father, was finally put to sleep this week by the human race.

THE HEAVENS—Citing an inability to adequately care for the aging all-powerful deity, members of the human race told reporters Monday that they were forced to put down God, the omniscient creator worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years.

“This is something we’ve been putting off for a long time, but at the end of the day, it’s what’s best for Him,” said human Daniel Whiting of Appleton, WI, acknowledging that the “difficult decision” comes after years of dealing with The Divine Creator’s sapped energy, urinary tract infections, recurring blindness in His left eye, and noticeable lack of strength and enthusiasm. “At some point, you just have to think about what will make God suffer less: letting Him live in pain for a thousand more years or just letting Him go peacefully in His sleep now?”

“Sure, it was a difficult decision, but it was inevitable,” concurred Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Vatican City. “After all, He was already 13 billion years old.”

According to sources, at approximately 1:34 p.m. Monday afternoon the elderly Almighty Father was injected with a high dosage of pentobarbital, allowing Him to slowly drift to sleep before experiencing painless cardiac arrest followed immediately by death.


more at link