Religion
Related: About this forumBiologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity
BERKELEY, CAChallenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, biologists at the University of California, Berkeley, presented findings Thursday that confirm God, the Almighty Creator of the Universe, evolved from an ancient chimpanzee deity.
The recently discovered sacred ancestor, a divine chimp species scientists have named Pan sanctorum, reportedly gave rise over millions of years to the Lord Our God, Maker of Heaven and Earth.
Although perhaps not obvious at first glance, there are actually overwhelming similarities between the Supreme Being of today and this early primate deity who preceded Him, said Dr. Richard Kamen, a leading biologist who also heads Berkeleys paleotheology department. The holy chimp moved around on all fours, but its descendants eventually began walking upright to expend less energy while foraging across the infinite reaches of the universe. This of course led to the bipedalism of modern-day God.
In fact, you can see a distinct likeness to God in the chimpanzee deitys skeletal structures, not to mention its prototypical expressions of vengeance and wrath, Kamen continued. The great-ape god was, however, considerably smaller in stature, having not yet developed the capacity to occupy all space and time simultaneously.
pangaia
(24,324 posts)9,8,7,6..5...4....3....2.....1......
Ssshhhh,, don't tell them what The Onion is.
cbayer
(146,218 posts)I love their god pieces.
My favorites are
God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule
http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/
I Feel Very Strongly About The Issue Of Same Sex Marriage Because I Have A Gay Son
http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-feel-very-strongly-about-the-issue-of-same-sex-m,31820/
I try to post them in here when I see them. They are consistently hilarious.
Ratty
(2,100 posts)Daring them to report the story as actual news, like what happened with the Planned Parenthood $8 billion abortionplex gag.
eppur_se_muova
(36,263 posts)Every picture of Him I've ever seen clearly shows him as a white European.
Consider this story debunked.
GliderGuider
(21,088 posts)Anyway, they don't say which family of chimps might have spawned the Sacred One. I strongly suspect the Goddess is descended from a troop of hypersexualized bonobos...
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Rather than an African human, TBH. Yes, their hatred really can be that deep.
AverageJoe90
(10,745 posts)Seriously, this one sucked. And it's very rare for the Onion to fail. But fail they have, with this one.
GliderGuider
(21,088 posts)Perhaps it's not the Onion's problem?