Religion

brooklynite

(94,541 posts) Sat Jun 21, 2014, 09:24 AM Jun 2014

Letter from a Minister

My mother's partner (hetero; she's 76 and widowed, he was three times divorced and 85) died suddenly of a stroke last week, and my mother was planning a memorial service in the upstate town where they spent part of their time. She contacted the local church where he occasionally attended about holding the memorial there, and was told she would have to submit all eulogies in advance for approval:

I review the eulogies before they are read to make sure they are in accordance with Biblical teachings. For example: a Buddhist (or whatever religion) could get up during the service and say that someone's soul is now merged with the "comic consciousness" or something similar that is contrary to what Jesus taught.

If this was a Baptist or Evangelical church in the south, I might guess that would be the case, but an Episcopal Church in Upstate New York? And I seriously doubt that anyone in attendance,especially my mother would bring up religion at all; my mother's an undeclared atheist; her partner was perfunctorily religious, but was as liberal as they come (big Hillary Clinton fan) and nobody in either family has any "exotic" religious background that might cause "trouble". Plus, I'd hate to think of what the Minister would say if he found out they'd been "living in sin" for seven years rather than getting married...

6 replies

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Letter from a Minister (Original Post) brooklynite Jun 2014 OP

My condolences to your mother. rug Jun 2014 #1

My point is that people would be talking about their memories of the deceased... brooklynite Jun 2014 #3

So why do it in a church? rug Jun 2014 #4

That is really unfortunate but only somewhat surprising in an Episcopal church. cbayer Jun 2014 #2

My limited experience with the Episcopalian church SheilaT Jun 2014 #5

I am so sorry for your loss. As an Episcopalian I am sorry this happened. hrmjustin Jun 2014 #6

rug

(82,333 posts)

1. My condolences to your mother.

Reply to brooklynite (Original post)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 09:40 AM

Jun 2014

But don't you find this to be an odd statement about a funeral in a church?

I seriously doubt that anyone in attendance, especially my mother would bring up religion at all

brooklynite

(94,541 posts)

3. My point is that people would be talking about their memories of the deceased...

Reply to rug (Reply #1)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 10:23 AM

Jun 2014

...and not about his religious opinions or the prospects for his "soul".

rug

(82,333 posts)

4. So why do it in a church?

Reply to brooklynite (Reply #3)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 10:24 AM

Jun 2014

cbayer

(146,218 posts)

2. That is really unfortunate but only somewhat surprising in an Episcopal church.

Reply to brooklynite (Original post)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 09:41 AM

Jun 2014

While the Espicopalians tend to be more liberal/progressive in many areas, there are still churches that are highly conservative.

One of my best friends is a lesbian. Her step-father is an Episcopalian priest He and her mother are very homophobic, to the point that neither ever even acknowledged my friends partner of 25 years. Prior to her mother's death 2 years ago, the partner was never invited into their home or to any family gatherings.

And they live in Connecticut.

I am sorry for your mother's loss and also sorry that this priest is so close minded.

SheilaT

(23,156 posts)

5. My limited experience with the Episcopalian church

Reply to brooklynite (Original post)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 10:44 AM

Jun 2014

is that they can often be quite conservative.

The essential problem is, as someone else has already pointed out, feeling the need to do something like this within the context of any church or religion, Except may the Unitarians. A lovely remembrance of some kind could be held at many other venues, including various out door ones. Perhaps something like that would work out for them.

hrmjustin

(71,265 posts)

6. I am so sorry for your loss. As an Episcopalian I am sorry this happened.

Reply to brooklynite (Original post)

Sat Jun 21, 2014, 10:45 AM

Jun 2014

Many Upstate NY Episcopal Churches are more conservative than in the southern part of the state.

In my parish eulogies are not approved and I think the priest went over the line. I have given eulogies and never had to approve them.

If it is in the Diocese of Albany I am not surprieed. It is a more conservative diocese.

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