"Heaven for climate, Hell for company!"

I'm in a wicked mood tonight, gang!

A few years ago, I made the comment to a coworker that, the only people headed for Heaven seemed to be crazy preachers like Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell or various dreary churchlady types (At least to hear them talk!). My friend responded with that quote from Mark Twain.

The full quote is:

"Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to -- both have their advantages, "Heaven for climate, Hell for company!"
- Mark Twain's Notebooks and Journals, vol. 3

Some more quotes from Sam Clemens on Heaven and Hell:

"Let us swear while we may, for in Heaven it will not be allowed."
- Notebook, 1898

"When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life."
- Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

"Singing hymns and waving palm branches through all eternity is pretty when you hear about it in the pulpit, but it's as poor a way to put in valuable time as a body could contrive."
- Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

"There is no humor in heaven."
- Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven

"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."
- Mark Twain, a Biography

"Miss Watson, a tolerable slim old maid, with goggles on. . . told me all about the bad place, and I said I wished I was there. She got mad then, but I didn't mean no harm. All I wanted was to go somewheres; all I wanted was a change, I warn't particular. She said it was wicked to say what I said; said she wouldn't say it for the whole world; she was going to live so as to go to the good place. Well, I couldn't see no advantage in going where she was going, so I made up my mind I wouldn't try for it. But I never said so, because it would only make trouble, and wouldn't do no good."
- Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

"Special composite photo courtesy of Dave Thomson.
Sam Clemens as Dante during his guided tour of Hell conducted by the poet Virgil (standing behind him) and being ferried across the Stygian marsh in the 5th Circle of the Inferno. Original painting by French artist Eugene Delecroix in 1821."

Clemens did get serious near the end of his life:

"It would be a wonderful experience to stand there in those enchanted surroundings and hear Shakespeare and Milton and Bunyan read from their noble works. And it might be that they would like to hear me read some of my things. No, it could never be; they would not care for me. They would not know me, they would not understand me, and they would say they had an engagement. But if I could only be there, and walk about and look, and listen, I should be satisfied and not make a noise. My life is fading to its close, and someday I shall know."
- unpublished book review of The Cities of the Sun by George Warder (1901)

Why did I post this? Maybe the Devil made me do it!

See you in Hell, gang!