Wedding Theology for the Spiritual but Not Religious

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Rev. G. Jude GeigerUnitarian Universalist Minister

Posted: 06/06/2012 12:54 pm

As a liberal, progressive minister in Brooklyn, I receive frequent requests to officiate weddings of couples who want to be married by a religious leader, but who don't want to have a particular tradition's stamp pressed too deeply upon their hour of celebration. This is also a common concern for interfaith couples, as well as same-gendered couples seeking to avoid conservative judgement. I'm often asked to craft a ceremony that's spiritual but not too religious. At the core, folks simply mean they want the ceremony to be about their love, and not any one tradition's dogma. The liturgical trappings, style and family concerns may differ from couple to couple, but there's a central message that I seek to convey across all the ceremonial differences. My theology and my advice, for the spiritual but not necessarily religious, on their wedding day is as follows:

Today you now travel the next portion of your road together. You'll be learning side by side how to live into a relationship that our often money-focused world struggles to define and quantify. With it you'll have wisdom to share in your glimpses of communion in one another's eyes; in your shared commitments of support and encouragement; you'll have wisdom to share in your compassion for the sake of compassion. You'll have wisdom to learn and share in how you navigate the moments of passion and pain. Be generous with this love for one another and for those who are blessed to witness it. It is in these actions that we make true the rite of marriage.

Remember that marriage is an invitation to live life together. When you come across the difficult times, as we all will and have, remember this day and how you chose this road to walk together. Remember in those difficult times that your decision and commitment were made in joy -- and from that joy you will both grow and bring into this world something that could not have been without your love for one another.

You both will grow. This marriage isn't how you were made. It's a beautiful thing that happens and will continue to happen. It takes a playful spirit over the long road to make real. Love needs to wear away sharp edges. Continue to wear away one another's sharp edges. Seek to be well worn and recklessly loved; to stop, to feel the joy of the everyday, to be Real for yourselves and with each other.

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