better night than an old party! And I bet you'll remember this night, not because you missed the party, but for all the hugs and kisses and love from your daughter!

a couple weeks ago. Instead, I just stayed home and vegetated.

I actually had to give myself permission to just. do. nothing.

To even turn off the computer, get into bed and do nothing.

I didn't meditate. I didn't visualize. I didn't nap. I don't think I even thought about much of anything. I just laid in bed for a couple hours for several days running and stared at the ceiling, or closed my eyes and stared at my inner eyelids.

And then I was straightening up and found an ad for part time at the job I had while I was in school, so I called their HR. And spent 2 more days after that doing nothing other than what absolutely needed to be done. A couple old memories kept surfacing with a common theme. I think it was the last of a particular wound dissolving. There is no longer any emotional charge with the memories, so they finally may fade and totally disappear.

And then I got the job...I start Monday after Thanksgiving. I'm getting ready now with a couple chores each day. Picking up supplies, cooking batches and freezing them so I'll have meals ready to heat n'eat with minimal fuss. Get everybodies' monthly toe trim done: birds, dogs, horse.

I hope to spend a couple more afternoons this week laying down and doing nothing. Then I'll end up working 9 days in a row (bleah!), get 1 day off and settle into a routine 5-day work week for 6-8 weeks, and then do this job 3 weekday evenings, and continue per diem at the hospital on weekends only.

Sometimes we just need to create space in our lives to allow shifts to happen.

I am hoping good vibes for landing a job myself.

I keep remembering a quote...something about, "Always expect that a miracle could happen at any moment" or something like that.

I need that miracle..I'm trying to summon that miracle.

Today I really tried to only exude love and to be dismissive of the feelings of limitations.

Your relaxation routine sounds heavenly. Best wishes to you Magical Thyme!

Ok, not quite, but yes. I think what happens is trying to summon miracles becomes an attempt to exert control over a situation. I've simply given up. I do what needs to be done each day and nothing more. Everybody gets fed, barn cleaned, house swept, dogs walked, etc. And then I just stop doing. Even sitting on the internet became to much doing. Thinking is doing. Meditating is doing. Repeating mantras is doing. Visualizing is doing.

Trying to summon miracles is doing. Intending and willing is doing. When I stopped doing anything, then things could shift. I let everything and everyone go. If I lose my home, I lose my home. My animals will find new homes. I needed to rest everything. I have been that world-weary.

It reminds me a little of when I had a really bad fall from Algiers. He fell over backwards. I had jumped free, but then he rolled on top of me and me as his is "base" to push himself back to his feet. A few days later, I suddenly couldn't breathe. My skeleton had "shifted" a bit out of alignment and into a place where I couldn't inhale. I crawled across my bed to try to get to the phone to call 911, but half way across collapsed and rolled onto my back. On my back I found a position where I could get a little air in, and just lay there staring at the ceiling. And as I lay there, unable to do anything except get slowly and gently inhale small breaths down to my diaphragm, I literally felt my bones slide back into place. It felt the same way it does when a chiropractor realigns you, only very gently and in slow motion. It was actually a lot cranial-sacral therapy, only instead of the therapist holding me in a position to allow gravity to re-align bones, I had been able to lie in a position where gravity could work. I had to let go of everything for my bones to slide into place. I had to not be able even to breathe to weaken my muscles enough that they stopped holding me in place. Only when I stopped physically doing anything except gently taking in just enough air to stay conscious was gravity and the universe able to slide my bones back where they belonged.

It's really, really hard to stop doing. Society trains us to be doers. Fear enforces doing...even if it's just worrying. If you aren't working, give yourself permission to take a vacation from doing. Even meditating. Even visualizing. Trying anything is doing. Trying to summon miracles is an attempt to control.